Temporary Angles In The Darkness

What is it that drives us? The sound of our own hearts beating, the hope of survival? It is my intention to touch the world, not to just survive in it. I want to make an impact. Through art we communicate the most intimate ideas. That which is hidden in our hearts. But it does not seem to happen often enough. How many are hidden? How many souls have been buried for good? Never to be reached again. Can you see them? The empty I mean. The ones with the hollowed out eyes. Starving from the hunger of wanting. Of waiting. For it all to crumble. But what if it all lasted forever? What then? When the emptiness becomes infinity. Last night I had a dream I saw the sky turn from dark to day in a flash. The Cumulus Clouds parted and there was the Mother-ship. All the smaller ships rained down like falling stars in the night/day. And then I clearly saw the Space Shuttle crash from out the sky. I felt at peace with it all. Like it was all going to bring us a lot closer. I wonder if it has anything to do with my Mom being in the Hospital? I can't help but think what would happen if I lost her. I would be all alone with the empty people of this world. The sadness of that is unparalleled. It wakes me in the early parts of the morning. What would I do? I really love the humans, but I can't relate to many of them. A large group of the ones I have access to are poisoning themselves to death. Drunken, drug addicted, and a bit confused. They refused to look at themselves and I wonder if any of them have ever truly looked at me. I love simple things. I've never needed to feel dead to be alive. I feel I've always been both. But the humans don't relate. They just come to me to empty their minds. But can they really see me? As I cry for my beautiful Mother and hope for her recovery. As I cry in the morning for her pain. It's the sorrow that wakes me. I often wish I could be a better person for her. But I am just this. A girl surrounded by the disconnected. When most see me they thank me for my ability to see the real them. But it's not because it is shown to me. I just can see it. I can't close my eyes to what this world really is. No matter if I try, I see it. The disconnected lost souls. Reaching for the void. Only temporary angles in the darkness. In the light we all hide what's inside. But the writers, we have to remember it all. Like it is our last speech before dying. I remember my entire life, like an old movie. Almost every moment. Almost every tear and every joy. It's all in there part of this story. Part of my living legacy. I feel like an alien, or a dying cosmonaut. Foreign to those around me, but curious to how we all relate. Life often feels like being trapped inside a machine. Society is a machine. Most attempt to keep it running smoothly while drowning in the poison. I attempt to see the complications with clear eyes. Still I can't change any of it. My only desire its to be a good person to the ones I touch. To understand why this is? The multiverse Theory comforts me at these moments. In another universe I am happy. My mother is healthy. And my tears that taste like salt, are really just rivers that lead to greener places. The looks on their faces of hate are really love. And most importantly I am everything I dream of....I am Josalisa and this is a spiritual RiOt.