Words & Thoughts Are Magic

I still find it fascinating how I can be hurt by something one day and just get over it. I mean just outright suffering over a single thought and then voila. It's over, that's how I know for a fact emotions are only thoughts. I need to stop focusing on low frequency ideas. They are such poison. Creating with intention is no small task. But it is very much worth the effort I am making. Just thoughts bouncing around and they can make me feel so emotionally drained. Trying to understand anything outside of the vortex is pointless, but old habits die hard. On a lighter note. It's all gravy now. I was recharged by all the positive meditation I took part in this weekend. Also I had a good night's fuck....I mean sleep. lol. I mean both. But the point is it was a good night for me. Intention is everything. I mean even if a person wants to be a good person, they still can be vibrating all funky because they have poisonous intentions. Man, there is still so much I have to learn in this world. The weight of all the information I don't have can just crush me. I am laying back more and becoming a watcher. There is much to be gained from just watching. You find out things that hurt you. But watching. Not listening to others, or adding your own flavor, just watching. One can really see the grid very clear. Watching I guess can be a form of meditation. I say a form because thinking is involved. Besides that, having instruments available changes everything. No thought needs to go unexpressed. I've also found that I can now say less. I can write a song or play the piano for a while and get a lot out. I don't need to express everything to people. I think people who over-share are desperate to express something that would have ended up in a song or a poem. If they knew what was good. Music has helped me to understand the world in a new way. I waited so long for so many people. And for what? This was a personal adventure all along. I just didn't have eyes to see, or maybe I was afraid to see. Either way I am refreshed and I feel safe inside of my own heart. I've freed myself from some unknown oppressor. Not through physical means but through the universal melody I've tapped into. What I will become in the future is still a mystery. For now I'm freer. Everyday I get happier. It's kind of a scary feeling. But it seems everyday I get happier. My heart gets a little lighter. I really did have the weight of the world on my shoulders for nothing. I mean fuck 'em. We are the all seeing, all dying, rotten corpse scums of the universe. There is really no reason to hold a single thing back. Because who are we reporting to but ourselves? Who can we please but ourselves? So strange how I get caught up in the nothingness. I have to tell myself everyday. I am creating this reality. I see what I want to see. I am the person I have always wanted to be. This is my dream life. I am on the dream planet, at the best time in the world. All things are here for me. All people come in the name of love to me. This is the right time for all the I seek. Also I am very much in love with a beautiful brave creative man. Who has never left my side since the day we laid eyes on one another. He has been on my side with a song, a story, a painting , or song for nine long years. I'm so fucking lucky for that I can slap myself for complaining. So I will rise above my own bullshit and be more grateful. For the love I have around me. I am surrounded with love. And it is the exact kind I dreamed of before I came to this world. So here's to no more tears wasted on low vibrating thoughts. Here's to patience and my quiet room. Here's to my piano and to my voice. Here's to my tears becoming seas and rivers of pulchritude...Here's to Josalisa and her perpetual RiOt.

Magic Is The Answer

This week I really made it through some adversities. I never thought I was strong enough to face certain things. Turns out I have the ability to do way more than I think. Not only that but people around me and stranger expect it from me. So it's all gravy. Yesterday was a good day with the fam. I've been having plenty of good days with the fam. I am very thankful for them. I am also very thankful for JoJo. It would be such a struggle right now without him. Every woman needs a person in her life she can love and trust. A shoulder to cry on and a friend to lean on. Plus who else is going to deal with a total geek-bag like me? I know he would never let me go, and if I tried to leave him he would fight for me. I am grateful for that. The other thing I am grateful for is my fingers. All of last year they were used in pursuit of creativity. And I made some pretty good things. Some good music and funny poems and of course the colorful pictures of the strangest things I dream. I am very thankful for these fingers. So today will be a good day. One of adventure and the fulfillment of curious endeavor. I feel braver and more confident. I never knew I had a problem with confidence. But there is something to be said for doing things with intention as opposed to just blindly jumping in head first. I am a dream come true. I have to remember that. For myself I am a dream come true. I have created this life. It's a struggle but it's coming along just fine. I believe in the things I have made. I will stand by them. Soon I will do my first performance and that is going to be a whole other level of new madness. I am looking forward to it with fear that I will be booed off of stage. But that would be hella funny so maybe there is no fear. I am just happy to be in this moment. When I have let go of the things that bother and block me and let in only the things I want. This life is a dance with death and heartache. But when you feel really free inside. What or who can really challenge you? When you see inspiration in all things. What obstacles are there for you? When you know who you are then the battle has been won. I have to remind myself that the fight I am in has been won a long time ago. I'm only shadow boxing now. It's really funny to look at things that way. All of this struggle and holding back is just shadow boxing. There is not obstacle in my way. My Mom is home and well now. I was hurt that no one I know called to ask about her. But that has nothing to do with me. Most are empty inside. And I can not take simple things personally. I felt I learned that lesson but somewhere deep down inside I think I'm just understanding how not to do it. Take it personal I me. It's nothing to do with me. It's a vast universe out there. It has too be overwhelming at times. When I close my eyes I feel only love beauty and joy. That's what I radiate. If I don't see it reflected back it has nothing do with me. So here's to today. it just a day like any other. But I have my paintbrush in my back pocket. I will paint it to the tones I want to see. And blow a little tune on my little flute just for me...This has been another message from Josalisa in a perpetual RiOt of epic proportions.

Reaching For The Answers To Oblivion

I woke up contemplating friends who are emotionally lost to me, the fight I had with my Brother all day yesterday in my head only, and the wonderful complexity of the Human Double Helix. So what's that? Closed acquaintances, sibling rivalry, and human DNA. Let's discuss. I feel like I may be the type of person who is emotionally there for those whole care for me. I say I may be, because who really knows what they are in this world? I believe I know what I am, but its still a bit strange floating around in deep space. So I like to base these solid conclusions on not so solid atmospheric temperatures. I have been going through a lot of suffering with my Mom being in the hospital for so long and the weight of me being the only qualified living relative to look after both of my parents. A job that though I should have been, I was not prepared for. It's awkward to say the least feeling when the people that raised you need to be taking care of. I'm not even sure what to do day after day. At times like this you have to reevaluate the folks you have around you. Who was there for you when things were just fun and who is there for you when you have to go through hard stuff? Not the same people. That upset me earlier but I understand it now. Most people are still like children. I understand that in a way I never did until now. When I step back and pardon my ego. I see that most living are in a kind perpetual childhood. Where it's party, play, work, get what I can get from whoever. I'm too intoxicated to even know what happened last week, fuck the world I'm the most important one in it type thing. It blows my mind but it's the way of the masses. This is the source of some of my lack of ability to relate to flat scans. My second thought was of me being angry with my Brother. It's a terrible feeling being upset with someone in your own family. It feels like punching yourself in the face. For now on when I meet those horrible selfish people who hate their family or don't have a family. I will understand their emptiness in a new way. To have anger in you heart towards someone in you family is exactly like self hate. I always say hating anyone is self hate, you know because of the one consciousnesses reflecting itself in the mirror theory. Meaning all hate is self hate. But hating your own family is just really abuse. Anyway being mad at my Bro for 24 hours feels terrible. I have to call to apologize to him today. I'm sure he didn't even notice how pissed I have been. Which is going to make the conversation funny. All these big emotions are just me playing out some game in my head. That is true for everyone. It's always funny when I notice it about myself. I know it's not funny to everyone. But I am the Court Jester and that job is not suitable for everyone. It's just one of the many ways to go through life here on Number 3. So I guess old Crink and Maurice Wilkins come into play about here. The Double Helix was on my mind because this is all DNA. Our family, who we chose as friends, how we react emotionally. It's all in that structure. Carefully written in the bars of the Double Helix. Can we help who we are? Yes. Can we change who we are? Yes. Was it written, like the Arabs say? Yes. That's the beauty of this life. It's complex and very emotional, even heartbreaking. But it can all be understood with just a simple model of our DNA structure. I want to be a better person. A better friend, a better Sister, a better Daughter, a better Wife, a better Herpetologist for my Turtle friends. And I will but for now I am just me. I fuck up, I feel upset, I feel like I don't understand the humans. Though I've read more Biology books than the average amateur. I still feel disconnected and really connected at the same time. Disappointed and really hopeful as well. It's just life. None of us really understands why we live it or why we response to it in such ways. It's just the nature of existence on a dying planet. Without art and music at this time I would have surly gone crazy. Luckily I have access to both. So I shall partake greatly in them today. To drown my sorrow as one among the living and dying. Because that may be the point to this entire trip around the Sun. Either way...I am a woman in a city of millions of intoxicated souls, reaching for the answers to oblivion. Running across the surface of a planet, screaming into he empty code, alive for just this moment. And also thankful that I have this understanding. A post apocalyptic urban journalist. Trying not to drown in all of the bullshit and stupidity. Last of the dying Cyber Punks, Astronaut in a land of only Cosmonauts. That statement being truest of all. At this point when we've lost our Space Shuttle and our skies are empty. Only alien contact can saves our imaginations now. As we have given our brains to robots and our hearts to nothing....I am Josalisa and there is a RiOt inside of this heart, on fire about to explode into flames.

010100101

In the world of my own here in my silence. It's my favorite place. So many places feel like cold steel, but then I'm out there and it's just normal. The science fiction is just in my head. The world is not a desolate digital wasteland. I can reach you without the code. We have not poisoned the water and smothered the land. The sun will not burn us alive. This is not a disease ridden petri dish. The digital diagnosis is not real. We are all really free. No one is struggling to survive or get out alive. This is a real planet, alive and operating independently within a vast solar system. This is not a corporate controlled spaceship. Floating in deep space many decades after the end of the world. Our hearts are not corrupt. We have not been attempting to kill one another every day for centuries. We are not crabs in an electronic barrel being shot at by bureaucrats with ray guns. We are not a single thought generated by a complete clone of a dead entity. This is not happening. You can all go home now...Inside my words are a RiOt...The name Josalisa can not be used as a hand gun.

Here's To The Nothingness

So I dragged myself out of bed to do more than just write, or play music this morning. It's laundry day and my skinny jeans aren't going to clean themselves. So I'll finally be clean today. No more filthy punk rock girl with the same dirty skirt on. I really don't have much to share today. I'm going to the hospital later on with my Dad to see my Mom. She is doing better but they still have to run a fuck load of test on her. So we will see. Other than that crapola. It's basic as a wood chip. I'll be making a video today of JoJo and I playing our instruments. It will be a little demo of him playing the Electronic Sutriman and me playing the Electronic Harpsichord. Like Lurch for the New Age. We suck real bad so it should be very fun. That is all. I had a weird dream I was on a bus to nowhere with a lot of women and children. Probably the new concentration camps. I am already psychically picking up the misery behind all of that. I also watched a pretty interesting documentary yesterday about Ayn Rand and how her philosophies are like the back bone of the tech movement and have been since like the fifties. Industrialization is one of the most depressing things to happen to civilized man. But we have gone too far and there is no turning back at this point. The Singularity had arrived and none of us are going to survive. So I'll see you in the ashes. I will be the girl wearing clean skinny jeans, typing subversive blog posts frantically on my lap top. This has been a flat-scan message form Josalisa...as predicted I am in a RiOt.

Temporary Angles In The Darkness

What is it that drives us? The sound of our own hearts beating, the hope of survival? It is my intention to touch the world, not to just survive in it. I want to make an impact. Through art we communicate the most intimate ideas. That which is hidden in our hearts. But it does not seem to happen often enough. How many are hidden? How many souls have been buried for good? Never to be reached again. Can you see them? The empty I mean. The ones with the hollowed out eyes. Starving from the hunger of wanting. Of waiting. For it all to crumble. But what if it all lasted forever? What then? When the emptiness becomes infinity. Last night I had a dream I saw the sky turn from dark to day in a flash. The Cumulus Clouds parted and there was the Mother-ship. All the smaller ships rained down like falling stars in the night/day. And then I clearly saw the Space Shuttle crash from out the sky. I felt at peace with it all. Like it was all going to bring us a lot closer. I wonder if it has anything to do with my Mom being in the Hospital? I can't help but think what would happen if I lost her. I would be all alone with the empty people of this world. The sadness of that is unparalleled. It wakes me in the early parts of the morning. What would I do? I really love the humans, but I can't relate to many of them. A large group of the ones I have access to are poisoning themselves to death. Drunken, drug addicted, and a bit confused. They refused to look at themselves and I wonder if any of them have ever truly looked at me. I love simple things. I've never needed to feel dead to be alive. I feel I've always been both. But the humans don't relate. They just come to me to empty their minds. But can they really see me? As I cry for my beautiful Mother and hope for her recovery. As I cry in the morning for her pain. It's the sorrow that wakes me. I often wish I could be a better person for her. But I am just this. A girl surrounded by the disconnected. When most see me they thank me for my ability to see the real them. But it's not because it is shown to me. I just can see it. I can't close my eyes to what this world really is. No matter if I try, I see it. The disconnected lost souls. Reaching for the void. Only temporary angles in the darkness. In the light we all hide what's inside. But the writers, we have to remember it all. Like it is our last speech before dying. I remember my entire life, like an old movie. Almost every moment. Almost every tear and every joy. It's all in there part of this story. Part of my living legacy. I feel like an alien, or a dying cosmonaut. Foreign to those around me, but curious to how we all relate. Life often feels like being trapped inside a machine. Society is a machine. Most attempt to keep it running smoothly while drowning in the poison. I attempt to see the complications with clear eyes. Still I can't change any of it. My only desire its to be a good person to the ones I touch. To understand why this is? The multiverse Theory comforts me at these moments. In another universe I am happy. My mother is healthy. And my tears that taste like salt, are really just rivers that lead to greener places. The looks on their faces of hate are really love. And most importantly I am everything I dream of....I am Josalisa and this is a spiritual RiOt.

Alive Within The Machine

How Cyber Punk could you be? If we stepped outside of the machines would we be the free, or the lost? The left behind, or the creators of a knew thought process. Would we lose who we are or become more of who we are? When corporations are advertising to you in every bit of Meat-space and Cyber space simultaneously. Do we lose a sense of who we are? What happens when people cease to be human and become a product? We start to only relate to one another through the products we like/dislike. The digital age. In the fifties it was a dream, in the sixties it was a dream come true, in the 70's it was a private adventure, in the eighties it was a private enterprise, in the 90's it was a childish experiment. Now it is a nightmare reality full of corporations trying to find the perfect client, empty teens, or adults hungry for love and affection, celebrity tabloid type news channels. And us, The Cyber Punks. Here from the beginning. Acting up in cyber space. Questioning the suspension of reality. Or better yet, creating a reality within the set reality. Who are we really? The faceless, the code makers, the thinking within the machine. The few sentient human beings left. Who read the news, listen attentively to science lectures. Those who use the machines. Those who are the machines. Why are we all here doing this anyway? What if we all stopped, could we ever relate to one another again? Are have we really become robots? Energy feeding the Matrix just like Morpheus showed us? What have we lost reaching for this destiny? And how far will it go? Genetically modified void, genetically modified food, genetically modified thoughts and corporate sponsored relationships. How many of us truly even love something outside of ourselves? Like really love a person? It's an empty time to be floating in deep space. But it is our time. These moments where it's up to us to create the reality we live in. I could have been more, but I've chosen to become this. A cyber punk with my eyes wide open inside the machine. Searching for a heartbeat or the ghost of one. Trying to break some unknowable code which echos deep within the human soul. This is digital oblivion. Washing over me like the sea. But for whom? How do I accept my fate as a consumer? Will music set me free? Will art give me wings? Are will someone try to market it? It's all a freaking market. Our minds have become a market, we are a target audience. There is no getting out alive. So I will just look for a heartbeat, simple brainwave within the code. Never to be set free. Never to escape the fate of this digital death. Until we meet again my robot friends.....I am Josalisa and this is a fucking RiOt.