The Game We Play As We Die

Inside of me lies a Demon oh so strong

Able to conquer pains long gone

Inside my flesh lies an Angel 

Oh so mythical

Created by me oh so long ago

Inside me lies Human Muscle

Often overshadowed by ego or confusion 

My life is like a long driving trip

To nowhere yet it's so damn far away

What unexplained things will I see today

So much curiosity and monotony 

So much change and newness 

I complain about all that I love

I love all that bothers me

I could change it all with a thought

About what?

About words used in a fight for my life

A battle with time and thoughts

I dance with the sun and the moon

Why am I not very amused

Is this joy and contentment  

Is this peace

I feel so still like a dream

My hands are gentle as I brush the canvas

But for what

 Another trip around this Sun 

We try to change the day by changing our clothes 

By making new sounds

But is today tomorrow and yesterday still somehow

This is the game we play as we die

We pretend it's brand new 

And we just found out somehow

Inside my heart is a dying child

In my eyes a RiOt

Just dying to get out.

This is Josalisa, Live from Planet Girl On A Diet...also called Planet RiOt

Or So I Dream

I woke up angry from a dream, which is always funny to me. The fucking mind it blows mine. Our little human thoughts can put us into such an emotional state and it really is hard to control emotions. I mean I guess it gets easier but I always have to stop and remind myself to control myself. Dreams in which I get angry are a great reminder to watch what I am feeling. But it is dead hilarious to became pissed off because of something that only happened in my imagination. But isn't it all happening in my imagination. If I didn't have the training to recognize them, most things probably wouldn't affect me the way they do. But yeah that is a lesson in control for sure. Today I have a million errands to do and I am already not feeling it. So I'm going to get my mind right and get these few little things done. Since they are all for my benefit. I really don't have much to share today, yet here I am up early writing shit anyway. Okay I guess that is all let me think of a little poem to wrap this madness up nicely.  

Of A Women's Mind

In the labyrinth of my dreams I am queen but not in control

Do I time travel am I out too far

Because my mind gets away from me sometimes

Or so I dream 

I am clear in my imagination

As long as I remember my lessons

You see I want to live up to my full power this lifetime

How much time is that anyway

Just enough I guess

To catch up with my hidden desires 

That are not really hidden

They are jewels and like all treasure must be found

Somewhere deep down I understand all of this

Like solving a huge puzzle I long ago finished 

Life is just child's play but one can get caught up in a minute

The key is real freedom but most never find that

So the suffering is here

We can pick up on a wave of anything

I'm riding the vibration of joy and childlike wonder

It feels good like a soft blanket I'm under

Will I ever not be puzzled by my own thoughts/emotions

Maybe not but the key is to not get carried away

On an ocean of regret and neglect what is really here

I am dancing in the sea of tranquility

Penning a sweet soliloquy to strangers

In hopes that it all will became a most beautiful painting

Of a women's mind

This is Josalisa Live from Planet RiOt.

I Am Source Code

Life's little adventures are so small and happen so fast they seem unimportant. But aren't they? In a moment you can have a life-changing event. I mean one day you can view the world one way and then boom... it gets tuned upside down. And what you were before is no more. Doesn't that make ya smile? I feel such joy right now. My life hasn't changed or anything. I mean I am exactly the same, but it just feel real good. The Moon was full last night and yes I sang to it like a good Witch. But that is not really the point either. It just feel good right now. Like a Spring Morning or some shit. And I know I'm lucky to have figured that part out. Joy is always raining. Like a faithful Robot Companion it's just there all of the time. The calm is very welcomed. It makes me look at everything I've done so far and I really appreciate it. Every little song or photograph. I mean I'm out here fighting the good fight and making a real go at this life as an artist thing. We really are only what we create in this life. Not the interpretation which is often very funny if you ask me. I've been writing a lot of Erotica lately. Not the rub me love me down kind. But the Marquis De Sade let's have fun with a St. Andrew's Cross kind. Because...well...it's the best kind as far as I can tell. When I look back at these things which embarrass me terribly for no good reason at all. I really enjoy them and go out for a good laugh at myself. Because even though I think I'm uptight I really am not at all. I think I hide things but it's all right there in the open. The madness keeps me brave and strong. One can really change the world with creativity. But changing the world is just changing yourself now innit? I'm not changing the world or myself. I'm just living this life. It's not always clear or fun. But today it just is. Plain and simple it just fucking is. I'm still not satisfied that I have not left this city yet. But all in good time. Yes this place is groundhog day for me. But if I look slightly to the left and elevate my head just a bit. I can see the new day is coming. I'll get there soon. As for now, All Is Well. 

I Am Source Code

Inside I am source code

unflawed and weaponless

My number is perfect 

My mind's a secret weapon

All I am is silence

Inside of us all beats the heart of a giant

Life is our forest of wisdom

Like ancient man or divine science

The algorithmic is real

I am source code

I use my mind to heal

I believe in your dreams

Mine are all too real 

This is Josalisa live from Planet RiOt. 

It's Alright

This has been low-key one of the busiest weeks of the year. J.O. got two Awards for his artwork this week. It was very special and even though he is unaffected by his recognition I am majorly proud of him. And you know I don't like to be proud of things. I nearly cried at one of the ceremonies. Queen of Dorkville for that move no doubt. We went to a Fair as one of the forms of celebration. But you know that activity was way too basic for us, so we got out of there early. But it was a fun time anyway. This week has been a series of Award Ceremonies and celebrations of the classiest manner. It has been quite fun indeed. Besides all of that my mind has been rather calm due to it's working overtime no doubt. I haven't had any weird dreams that I can remember and I'm not very tired. I just feel happy I guess. It's nice to have a chance to really just sit back and enjoy one another. I guess life is running pretty smooth right now. Okay here is poem I guess:

I'm Just Free

In my heart I am free from my mental burdens

My imagination makes the world appear before me

I pick my experiences like fruit on a tree

At night I dream of the places I want to see

Far away and magical full of possibility

My skin is the brown of the Earth

My spirit is made of pure verse

I am not effected by envy

I have no known enemies

I'm just free

To walk and swim and read

I made it so 

It's a reward for the suffering

I see the beauty so clear

It's like a melody in my ear

I appreciate my understanding

I'm in love with the person standing next to me

Unbiased and unafraid we charge into the world

A bald man and a short cropped byrd

Created of our own universe

Free in our honesty

All people can see me and we can speak

But only a few will ever understand

Few will ever really listen

Still I'm on a mission to beauty

To joy and laughter

I'll enjoy the world and ask questions after

I've loved and allowed myself to be loved

It's a mess of epic proportion

But I've got the perfect dress for it

You see I woke up today and I just wanted to say

I'm just free

This is Josalisa in A Peace RiOt

This Is A Love Riot

I watched the entire This Is England Series. This includes a movie and two Miniseries. I watched it again yesterday the shit is hella heartwarming. It's a perfect interpretation of what it is like being in a counterculture relationship. I mean it's complex to be yourself and have your partner be himself in the face of adversity. Culturally and financially. The films made me happy to be in the relationship I'm in. It's a hard thing for a man to love a punk rock girl and vis a versa. I mean there is opposition. Everyone wants to be the same as everyone else. We think this makes us adults. Getting a mainstream job and dressing like a basic douche from the The Gap. If you really stand up for yourself you get shoved down a lot. And if you find a love that last it's really a struggle. But it's a beautiful thing. To fight for love to stand for something. Your whole life. I've been punk and half a Skinhead for my entire adult life and so has my partner. It's been a great adventure. But the hate is real. The pressure to change is there. But what do you change into? A drone, someone else? You can only really ever be you. To change for anyone is suicide. The series shows Woody trying to join the mainstream and it nearly killed him. As to be expected. It also showed Lol the female lead trying to hide her tortured past from her partner. Which nearly killed her as well. No matter what you have been through. The whole point of love is to get through your personal struggles together. Some struggles are impossible to face alone. Your partner is there as a second person in the battle for life. If you have lived through hell your partner is there to help you fight through it. That in some cases can be the most important part. If you are not willing to face the demons and show them to your partner and say help. You may not make it though your relationship. Hell, you may not make it through life in some cases. I really appreciate my love. It is real and I have fought for it. And it has been worth it. Fighting for the joy and the beauty. I don't think we will ever change. Growing up is not becoming some new person. It's accepting the person you are and standing up for it. It's not easy in any case but it is very rewarding. So if you are in love or looking for love. Know this, all you have to do is remain the person you are and allow the person you love to be who they are. No matter what. That is the only way. Be patient and even if you are in love with a wild punk rock motherfucker. Believe in him and allow him to believe in you. Stay true and don't lie to one another but most importantly don't lie to yourself. If you are trying to become someone else. Look inside yourself and ask why and what are you running from? I guess that's it. Never run from yourself. Face and embrace yourself. You may find that the most important treasures lay inside. And they are always rewarding. For all of eternity. If you have the nerves to be who you are and face yourself honestly. You will find are person who loves that in the truest form. And you will find that when you let go of all of the confusion from outside forces you can love someone for who they are. Alt-culture flaws and all. I love This Is England and I love my partner. We are in this together. And it's pretty alright...now itnit? 
This is Josalisa and I am in a Love RiOt. 

A Rotten Lament

My heart is at war with this sick nation of rotten human beings
They are all sick rotten from the inside out
I can smell your evil and see your filth
It's your soul you think you don't have
The soul of most people disgust me
I can see it the filth
I can see it your slow suicide.
I want to help it move faster but I don't care
I can see you all fester
You greedy infantile lonely little bastards
You are all dying or as I pointed out desperately trying
But me I live in the face of your tragic calamity 
I see your hate physically and digitally 
I see you out there lonely reaching for a dying memory
I see you drown your wicked deeds
You think you commit them against one another but it's only yourself
I see you suffering and understand 
I share with you my own you can never understand
Surface dweller minds alive in the hive of information
You have all become dumber slicker iller
As the brave hearts receive this gift we have been waiting for
I see you praying for disaster begging for failure 
It is always yours and never that of the so called enemy
The sick and wicked are only pretty if they cover themselves with chemicals
Yes I am a tragic beauty and live my life as a criminal
Underground beneath this thirsty town
I see the beauty in you and I reach for it
It sends me wise teachers they all say the same
Make a break for it and never look back
This whole world is the same
This is the tragic source of my sorrowful lament 
I have love I have peace I have beauty I have tasted the lips of death
Yet I feel only a few possess realness and true depth
You all lie to yourselves and then I have to stand here and see the truth in your eyes 
My vision is a curse a personal punishment of mine 
I can fucking see you even as you sleep I can see your dreams
I've tried to close my eyes but once they see the light they can never be blind again
Once I see your soul which is made oh so fucking clear we can never be bound again
I am an outsider in this world
Made to live on the outskirts of town making potions and seeing all the bitter drown
I speak to the dead every day and early every morning 
They point out that I am surrounded by a mournful congregation
And the stars are shinning for me a map of the known universe
Available with the naked human eye
The only real gift the world's real Master has left
I am a woman with only one eye
This is my hateful lament for the wicked
You cheap dirty bastards
 You can never kill a dream because as you close your eyes you become nothing
As we become everything
I dream of one day killing you with my bare hands 
You are already dead aren't you
I hope these words bury you further in your American Nightmare
This tired song is played by no other than
The Real Lady Die
It's a rare public appearance but apparently she is still alive
Fully awake in the digital matrix
Conscience of the wicked minds in which you dwell
May you all rot in your personal Heaven/Hell

Why I Suffer/Why I Smile

Because I'm a geek in a world full of basic people. I see all my comic book heroes coming to life on the big screen. In a way I want to keep them to myself. In a way I want the world to love them. But who really ever sees what's coming in the future? (Well me but that shit hurts my head a bit). We can only analyze the past and that gets distorted pretty quickly. So I surround myself with Raekwon and Lemmy maybe they can fill me with the strength to get by on this. The creativity. Yesterday I ran into Matthew Lillard and he told me to stay Punk Rock. I wanted to tell him that I will forever Hack The Planet but I couldn't get the words out. But I will stay a cyber punk in my heart until I die. It's been written and confirmed by The Cereal Killer himself. So why do I question my Allies or myself? Over and over again? It's because I'm not sure. I am surprised by my effect on the world. I am surprised at how clear the things I love are laid out in front of me. I need to stop questioning and just enjoy. So I am here to enjoy the experience. It is a lovely tragic ride this life of mine. I love...I am loved back...I fear...I see fear reflected back. My Guru says it's all a mirror and it really is. But it is also just life. My birthday is tomorrow. Another year of Sho Sho activity. I can look back with a smile. It has been a great year so far. It has been a fucking amazing year so far. The shit has been so special it makes me want to cry...tears of joy and sadness at the same time. It made me want to have a breakdown and I did. But art was created even through the incredible madness. I am on the right path...it's the path to my greatness. I see it reflected in the eyes of the world. I am love. I am peace. I am madness. I am beauty. I am bravery. I am art. I am the accumulation of my own imagination. I am a wife...which may be the scariest part of all. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am a co-creator in my life. I can make joy rain down on me. I am Sherry Yvonne Chovan....I am Angelisa Josalisa. I am Mrs. 51416. I am a living breathing force to be reckoned with on the Planet. I am a girl in a room with a diary open to the world. I hope you hear me friends. I am freedom. I am... Valhalla. There is much love here...and all is mothefucking well!!!!

This has been Josalisa In a Riot of Peace and Joy and sorrow...all at the same time. 
I love you all...it's my Birthday and the Resurrection at the same time. Let all the joy rain down on me.