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So I dragged myself out of bed to do more than just write, or play music this morning. It's laundry day and my skinny jeans aren't going to clean themselves. So I'll finally be clean today. No more filthy punk rock girl with the same dirty skirt on. I really don't have much to share today. I'm going to the hospital later on with my Dad to see my Mom. She is doing better but they still have to run a fuck load of test on her. So we will see. Other than that crapola. It's basic as a wood chip. I'll be making a video today of JoJo and I playing our instruments. It will be a little demo of him playing the Electronic Sutriman and me playing the Electronic Harpsichord. Like Lurch for the New Age. We suck real bad so it should be very fun. That is all. I had a weird dream I was on a bus to nowhere with a lot of women and children. Probably the new concentration camps. I am already psychically picking up the misery behind all of that. I also watched a pretty interesting documentary yesterday about Ayn Rand and how her philosophies are like the back bone of the tech movement and have been since like the fifties. Industrialization is one of the most depressing things to happen to civilized man. But we have gone too far and there is no turning back at this point. The Singularity had arrived and none of us are going to survive. So I'll see you in the ashes. I will be the girl wearing clean skinny jeans, typing subversive blog posts frantically on my lap top. This has been a flat-scan message form Josalisa...as predicted I am in a RiOt.
What is it that drives us? The sound of our own hearts beating, the hope of survival? It is my intention to touch the world, not to just survive in it. I want to make an impact. Through art we communicate the most intimate ideas. That which is hidden in our hearts. But it does not seem to happen often enough. How many are hidden? How many souls have been buried for good? Never to be reached again. Can you see them? The empty I mean. The ones with the hollowed out eyes. Starving from the hunger of wanting. Of waiting. For it all to crumble. But what if it all lasted forever? What then? When the emptiness becomes infinity. Last night I had a dream I saw the sky turn from dark to day in a flash. The Cumulus Clouds parted and there was the Mother-ship. All the smaller ships rained down like falling stars in the night/day. And then I clearly saw the Space Shuttle crash from out the sky. I felt at peace with it all. Like it was all going to bring us a lot closer. I wonder if it has anything to do with my Mom being in the Hospital? I can't help but think what would happen if I lost her. I would be all alone with the empty people of this world. The sadness of that is unparalleled. It wakes me in the early parts of the morning. What would I do? I really love the humans, but I can't relate to many of them. A large group of the ones I have access to are poisoning themselves to death. Drunken, drug addicted, and a bit confused. They refused to look at themselves and I wonder if any of them have ever truly looked at me. I love simple things. I've never needed to feel dead to be alive. I feel I've always been both. But the humans don't relate. They just come to me to empty their minds. But can they really see me? As I cry for my beautiful Mother and hope for her recovery. As I cry in the morning for her pain. It's the sorrow that wakes me. I often wish I could be a better person for her. But I am just this. A girl surrounded by the disconnected. When most see me they thank me for my ability to see the real them. But it's not because it is shown to me. I just can see it. I can't close my eyes to what this world really is. No matter if I try, I see it. The disconnected lost souls. Reaching for the void. Only temporary angles in the darkness. In the light we all hide what's inside. But the writers, we have to remember it all. Like it is our last speech before dying. I remember my entire life, like an old movie. Almost every moment. Almost every tear and every joy. It's all in there part of this story. Part of my living legacy. I feel like an alien, or a dying cosmonaut. Foreign to those around me, but curious to how we all relate. Life often feels like being trapped inside a machine. Society is a machine. Most attempt to keep it running smoothly while drowning in the poison. I attempt to see the complications with clear eyes. Still I can't change any of it. My only desire its to be a good person to the ones I touch. To understand why this is? The multiverse Theory comforts me at these moments. In another universe I am happy. My mother is healthy. And my tears that taste like salt, are really just rivers that lead to greener places. The looks on their faces of hate are really love. And most importantly I am everything I dream of....I am Josalisa and this is a spiritual RiOt.
How Cyber Punk could you be? If we stepped outside of the machines would we be the free, or the lost? The left behind, or the creators of a knew thought process. Would we lose who we are or become more of who we are? When corporations are advertising to you in every bit of Meat-space and Cyber space simultaneously. Do we lose a sense of who we are? What happens when people cease to be human and become a product? We start to only relate to one another through the products we like/dislike. The digital age. In the fifties it was a dream, in the sixties it was a dream come true, in the 70's it was a private adventure, in the eighties it was a private enterprise, in the 90's it was a childish experiment. Now it is a nightmare reality full of corporations trying to find the perfect client, empty teens, or adults hungry for love and affection, celebrity tabloid type news channels. And us, The Cyber Punks. Here from the beginning. Acting up in cyber space. Questioning the suspension of reality. Or better yet, creating a reality within the set reality. Who are we really? The faceless, the code makers, the thinking within the machine. The few sentient human beings left. Who read the news, listen attentively to science lectures. Those who use the machines. Those who are the machines. Why are we all here doing this anyway? What if we all stopped, could we ever relate to one another again? Are have we really become robots? Energy feeding the Matrix just like Morpheus showed us? What have we lost reaching for this destiny? And how far will it go? Genetically modified void, genetically modified food, genetically modified thoughts and corporate sponsored relationships. How many of us truly even love something outside of ourselves? Like really love a person? It's an empty time to be floating in deep space. But it is our time. These moments where it's up to us to create the reality we live in. I could have been more, but I've chosen to become this. A cyber punk with my eyes wide open inside the machine. Searching for a heartbeat or the ghost of one. Trying to break some unknowable code which echos deep within the human soul. This is digital oblivion. Washing over me like the sea. But for whom? How do I accept my fate as a consumer? Will music set me free? Will art give me wings? Are will someone try to market it? It's all a freaking market. Our minds have become a market, we are a target audience. There is no getting out alive. So I will just look for a heartbeat, simple brainwave within the code. Never to be set free. Never to escape the fate of this digital death. Until we meet again my robot friends.....I am Josalisa and this is a fucking RiOt.
I swim alone in the distance, a brilliant cyber punk. Ready to open up to those who have the mind to listen. I've finished with the basic stuff. I am living a life of less resistance. Things flow better that way. When the window of the imagination is open. All can be contemplated and really understood. To me things are just beautifully strange. I embrace that. I like to create from the weirdest angles. It makes things look more magical. Examining myself from other angles. Like when I was a kid I would go outside and look into my bedroom from the window. I would try to get a feeling for myself from that view. I would wonder, "what kind of person is this?" or " would I seek out this person if she where outside of myself?" These are very philosophical questions. They sort of tickle the imagination. Knowing nothing is outside of myself, I have to ponder on the fact that I may be outside of it all. What would that be like? How would that look? Sometimes I feel like I've always been a cyber punk. Like that was my past life. Like this is my past life. I have always been the same person working on the same equations. Playing the game and trying to beat the programmer, or be him. But maybe this is my "psyche video game programmer training" speaking to you. And the real me was never developed. All there is, or ever will be is this hacker, gamer, metropolitan thought processor. Fed into consumerism and the soul stealing corporations for generations to come? What then, huh? When machines begin to control the world, only the programmers will survive. But how long before the entire database is fully corrupted. Or can that even happen. Will the sentient A.I. be of assistance? All this Futurism is a bit bleak, I know. But it is our existence now. The path we have chosen as a collective. The path that we think will lead to individualism. One entity attempting to separate from itself for it's lifetime. We are all like bickering Siamese Twins. The only way to separate is to die. But few choose to die, most choose to kill the twin. We are all Cain slaying Able for life. Could the Bible have been referring to our technological future? Just Kidding, I'm not sure the Bible is referring to anything that is happening right now. It's like a teeter to some nostalgic past that never was ours. So I shall continue to swim in the sea of me. I hope the things I am creating reach someone, or one person understands. That is the real tragedy for a lot of us. No one seems to see us before we die. That's because most choose not to be us before we die. The fight is not with the world or ourselves. It's with our imagination. Don't we all just want to get it out? The everything. The all that is weighing, and has been weighing heavy on us for the journey. Maybe even the ones before it. I have no recollection of any past life. It's just the here and now for me. And of course the future. So here's to it. The sky rains down on us. My dreams are my reality. I am getting further away from the things I think people are. I am becoming this.......A girl named Josalisa In A RiOt.
Let it all rain over me. The love, the peace, the insanity. It all makes me braver. The curiosity I savor. Here's a poem because I don't have much to say this morning. I got a new electric piano and I'm saving all my love for it....I've touched the dying:
All my songs in my head/
I write for the dead/
They sing along in sweet sorrow/
I'm like a baby bird/
Flying by on wings that will be stronger tomorrow/
How far are the other worlds/
I want to reach them soon/
Like the man on the moon/
I see it all up close at a distant/
In life I'm on a true poetic mission/
How many minds can I reach with my heart/
One song can change it all/
In the blink of an eye/
From birth to becoming the Real Lady Die/
Inside my heart is an ocean/
I can't really show it to you/
I'm just going to try
Okay so that's it. The revelation is not life changing. But how many things really are? Some will live a whole human life, and not be surprised by it all. It's fascinating, the pride of the fall. How we cover our heads with hats and get all fat trying to be something. We are not that much. Just one energy creating this illusion of life. We are temporary souls in a flesh suit. Trying to stay alive. Trying to make it last. Hoping we will never have to come back. Others praying to never leave the misery. It's just as easy to become a prisoner of the mind as it is to be free...My name is Josalisa and I am in a digital RiOt.
Now the doors are wide open for my creativity to flow. It's nice to be able to express myself. Like it's all a breath of fresh air. I don't think I was in any sort of stagnation, I just forget to breath often. I hold my breath way too much. Like it's all too overwhelming or pathetic living in this world. There is a peace that washes over my sadness. It's very beautiful really. Like dancing alone under the stars. When it gets really quiet in my mind I can except my joy. I can hear my music better. The reverberation is my comfort. Knowing I have been like this for so long makes me feel like my entire existence in this plane has been an experiment. In comfort, art, reality creating, and self expression. It's all just a preforming arts project. The guilt I feel constant in my life is a result of me always trying to change others. I think they all should be more like me. Charity is an act of an egomaniac. Not most charity but the emotional kind is, as far as my efforts on that front has been. The ego is so sickening, it really does poison a person. I think the biggest poisons facing Americans today (besides drug dependency) is Alcoholism and egomania. They go hand and hand I'm sure. But they are both real poison. The shit clouds human vision. They block the aura from flowing right, I'm sure. But what am I to do about something like that? Nothing, of course but the presence of the poisons makes it hard to communicate with most people. But that might be a good thing. It's like another level of the filter. What I really love is accepting it all. It helps me move through this world so much better. After I get the flow of making the sounds together just how I like it. I'm going to focus on starting out of my great adventure. This city, or the people who I have access to in it are boring and they make me feel boring. I want to see the true creators. The ones who dare to dream. Real dreams not just some commercial they think they relate to. Many people in this city are like a commercial. Probably because they are reflecting a television program instead of their own reality. Anyway...such as life. My reflection is madness. The madness lets others know I am not vibrating on their level of reality. I think that is how best to the describe the ones who I no longer feel. They are out their vibrating on another frequency. I feel so free right now. I feel like the dead or the new born must feel. Relaxed, curious, and 100% aware that only things I want can happen to me. I might see things I don't want I might hear about them. But they are not for me. I am creating my own reality. I have made that choice. It's an unchallengeable decision. I made it years ago, but I feel I don't say it enough. So I am going to do it again. I am creating my own reality. It's the ultimate art project. How many will truly understand? How many do I truly understand? So that is all for now. I shall be. Unchallenged and unaffected by the empty. I am like a tree. Patient and steadfast in my ways. I'm not a Sequoia, I'm more like those trees Dr. Seuss draws. You know all twisted and hella fucking colorful. Anyway all is well....This is Josalisa and I am in a RiOt.
Another day on this Spaceship. Everyday I wake up it's another power up . On this little adventure I have agreed to. The musical aspect of my life has improved it greatly. It's like music came into my life and freed me in some unknown way. So it's my great escape in a way. But it's more like my great way to share myself with the spirits. Something about singing and making sounds with instruments. Maybe it's just the Earth's melody coming to join me every time I sing. It's not that I'm that good. But the rhythm is natural and that makes all the difference. Last year music saved me from my great sorrow. This year who knows where it shall take me. I know I'm ready to experience whatever it is. I don't feel so empty anymore. The isolation that has never bothered me, seems to embrace me. Making it not isolation but inspiration at every turn. I keep repeating this, but I have become what I wanted to be. It's so strange how that can happen. I guess I have been this way all along. It's was just the letting go that needed to happen. Letting go of the anger, of the blame, trying to figure and help people out. The moment I realized we are all what we have always wanted to be. I realized all the time I was trying to help change people, it was not helping them. They are that way because they dream to be. My interventions only sicken me. True freedom is embarrassing that. We are here because we asked to come here, we are who we are because we asked to reflect that. So dance to my songs friends. Sing along with my. Like The Family showed me last year, we can heal it all through music and love. So this is what the great joy feels like. I thought it was financial wealth that gave this kind of joy. Wealth is so much more than money, but it really does help. Wealth is the ability to see and create in this reality, while knowing it is all an illusion. We are creating our own lives every moment, all of the time. We decide what we want to see and how to react to it. The reaction is the most important part for me. I always get carried away with the reaction. That is how I ended up in the suffering. Not understanding that my reaction is everything. To react correctly in a situation is the hallmark of every situation you create for yourself. I believe all of the negative and emotionally dangerous people are out of my life. It took that spell almost five months to work but it is solid now. I believe I have protected myself from the filth of the diseased minds of others. Now light can flood in and honesty and warmth. I am this woman. So brave and I cannot stop smiling. Knowing where I feel I am going. Who will be there to meet me. What I will see. How I can write and paint and draw again. How I stepped back into the magic of deliberate creation. How I have closed the door on the things I do not want. I walk in the forest of great pleasure and everything I have ever dreamed of for myself is here. So here is to the Universal vibration this love creates. I have join the choir of joy. It is created through sacred geometry and the deep understanding that creation is everything, and it is all in my own hands. The things I will do today will be brave moves made with love and intention. I am these hands and this mouth and these eyes. They are mine. I am here to use them to the best of my abilities. This voice will heal me. It has healed me. What a strange little adventure I am on. This is the moment I understood my purpose, or accepted it. Either way. I am joyful and the entire thing is more funny than I can explain in just one post...
I am Josalisa and this is a fucking RiOt.
