This Is A Love Riot

I watched the entire This Is England Series. This includes a movie and two Miniseries. I watched it again yesterday the shit is hella heartwarming. It's a perfect interpretation of what it is like being in a counterculture relationship. I mean it's complex to be yourself and have your partner be himself in the face of adversity. Culturally and financially. The films made me happy to be in the relationship I'm in. It's a hard thing for a man to love a punk rock girl and vis a versa. I mean there is opposition. Everyone wants to be the same as everyone else. We think this makes us adults. Getting a mainstream job and dressing like a basic douche from the The Gap. If you really stand up for yourself you get shoved down a lot. And if you find a love that last it's really a struggle. But it's a beautiful thing. To fight for love to stand for something. Your whole life. I've been punk and half a Skinhead for my entire adult life and so has my partner. It's been a great adventure. But the hate is real. The pressure to change is there. But what do you change into? A drone, someone else? You can only really ever be you. To change for anyone is suicide. The series shows Woody trying to join the mainstream and it nearly killed him. As to be expected. It also showed Lol the female lead trying to hide her tortured past from her partner. Which nearly killed her as well. No matter what you have been through. The whole point of love is to get through your personal struggles together. Some struggles are impossible to face alone. Your partner is there as a second person in the battle for life. If you have lived through hell your partner is there to help you fight through it. That in some cases can be the most important part. If you are not willing to face the demons and show them to your partner and say help. You may not make it though your relationship. Hell, you may not make it through life in some cases. I really appreciate my love. It is real and I have fought for it. And it has been worth it. Fighting for the joy and the beauty. I don't think we will ever change. Growing up is not becoming some new person. It's accepting the person you are and standing up for it. It's not easy in any case but it is very rewarding. So if you are in love or looking for love. Know this, all you have to do is remain the person you are and allow the person you love to be who they are. No matter what. That is the only way. Be patient and even if you are in love with a wild punk rock motherfucker. Believe in him and allow him to believe in you. Stay true and don't lie to one another but most importantly don't lie to yourself. If you are trying to become someone else. Look inside yourself and ask why and what are you running from? I guess that's it. Never run from yourself. Face and embrace yourself. You may find that the most important treasures lay inside. And they are always rewarding. For all of eternity. If you have the nerves to be who you are and face yourself honestly. You will find are person who loves that in the truest form. And you will find that when you let go of all of the confusion from outside forces you can love someone for who they are. Alt-culture flaws and all. I love This Is England and I love my partner. We are in this together. And it's pretty alright...now itnit? 
This is Josalisa and I am in a Love RiOt. 

A Rotten Lament

My heart is at war with this sick nation of rotten human beings
They are all sick rotten from the inside out
I can smell your evil and see your filth
It's your soul you think you don't have
The soul of most people disgust me
I can see it the filth
I can see it your slow suicide.
I want to help it move faster but I don't care
I can see you all fester
You greedy infantile lonely little bastards
You are all dying or as I pointed out desperately trying
But me I live in the face of your tragic calamity 
I see your hate physically and digitally 
I see you out there lonely reaching for a dying memory
I see you drown your wicked deeds
You think you commit them against one another but it's only yourself
I see you suffering and understand 
I share with you my own you can never understand
Surface dweller minds alive in the hive of information
You have all become dumber slicker iller
As the brave hearts receive this gift we have been waiting for
I see you praying for disaster begging for failure 
It is always yours and never that of the so called enemy
The sick and wicked are only pretty if they cover themselves with chemicals
Yes I am a tragic beauty and live my life as a criminal
Underground beneath this thirsty town
I see the beauty in you and I reach for it
It sends me wise teachers they all say the same
Make a break for it and never look back
This whole world is the same
This is the tragic source of my sorrowful lament 
I have love I have peace I have beauty I have tasted the lips of death
Yet I feel only a few possess realness and true depth
You all lie to yourselves and then I have to stand here and see the truth in your eyes 
My vision is a curse a personal punishment of mine 
I can fucking see you even as you sleep I can see your dreams
I've tried to close my eyes but once they see the light they can never be blind again
Once I see your soul which is made oh so fucking clear we can never be bound again
I am an outsider in this world
Made to live on the outskirts of town making potions and seeing all the bitter drown
I speak to the dead every day and early every morning 
They point out that I am surrounded by a mournful congregation
And the stars are shinning for me a map of the known universe
Available with the naked human eye
The only real gift the world's real Master has left
I am a woman with only one eye
This is my hateful lament for the wicked
You cheap dirty bastards
 You can never kill a dream because as you close your eyes you become nothing
As we become everything
I dream of one day killing you with my bare hands 
You are already dead aren't you
I hope these words bury you further in your American Nightmare
This tired song is played by no other than
The Real Lady Die
It's a rare public appearance but apparently she is still alive
Fully awake in the digital matrix
Conscience of the wicked minds in which you dwell
May you all rot in your personal Heaven/Hell

Why I Suffer/Why I Smile

Because I'm a geek in a world full of basic people. I see all my comic book heroes coming to life on the big screen. In a way I want to keep them to myself. In a way I want the world to love them. But who really ever sees what's coming in the future? (Well me but that shit hurts my head a bit). We can only analyze the past and that gets distorted pretty quickly. So I surround myself with Raekwon and Lemmy maybe they can fill me with the strength to get by on this. The creativity. Yesterday I ran into Matthew Lillard and he told me to stay Punk Rock. I wanted to tell him that I will forever Hack The Planet but I couldn't get the words out. But I will stay a cyber punk in my heart until I die. It's been written and confirmed by The Cereal Killer himself. So why do I question my Allies or myself? Over and over again? It's because I'm not sure. I am surprised by my effect on the world. I am surprised at how clear the things I love are laid out in front of me. I need to stop questioning and just enjoy. So I am here to enjoy the experience. It is a lovely tragic ride this life of mine. I love...I am loved back...I fear...I see fear reflected back. My Guru says it's all a mirror and it really is. But it is also just life. My birthday is tomorrow. Another year of Sho Sho activity. I can look back with a smile. It has been a great year so far. It has been a fucking amazing year so far. The shit has been so special it makes me want to cry...tears of joy and sadness at the same time. It made me want to have a breakdown and I did. But art was created even through the incredible madness. I am on the right path...it's the path to my greatness. I see it reflected in the eyes of the world. I am love. I am peace. I am madness. I am beauty. I am bravery. I am art. I am the accumulation of my own imagination. I am a wife...which may be the scariest part of all. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am a co-creator in my life. I can make joy rain down on me. I am Sherry Yvonne Chovan....I am Angelisa Josalisa. I am Mrs. 51416. I am a living breathing force to be reckoned with on the Planet. I am a girl in a room with a diary open to the world. I hope you hear me friends. I am freedom. I am... Valhalla. There is much love here...and all is mothefucking well!!!!

This has been Josalisa In a Riot of Peace and Joy and sorrow...all at the same time. 
I love you all...it's my Birthday and the Resurrection at the same time. Let all the joy rain down on me.

A Rampage Of Appreciation

I want to thank my Guru for being my teacher. I already have, but I want to say it again. I am changed. I am the same but in my heart I am changed. In this world you have to have your allies. You have to make an alliance with those who live in the same vibrational vortex. Even if you have to change your life to reach your peers. I had to fight my fear to reach my goals. I had to free myself from the programming. I have been reprogrammed by myself. Possibly by my Guru. Or maybe I want to say it's my Guru because I don't want to admit it was my own power. But I know it was. I'm getting stronger, I'm getting further away from my programming. What if my hero was my best friend? What if my Lover was the co-creator in this dream? What if we all worked towards true freedom of the mind? There is no what if...it is reality. I am reaching for real joy. Real joy is here. And so is honesty and really looking at myself. From my on prospective with uncensored and uninfluenced eyes. I see myself as a great continuation of the Entity. The creativity that is within me spills out. So today I dance with my death and my fear. All of my reality is created by me. I only see what I want. And all of my dreams come true. Every moment is a dream. I walk in the light of pure joy and sail the stream of true dreaming. I am only will. Thank you for the in spirited. Thank you for the dream believers. Thank you for my family. Thank you for my allies. Thank you for my supporters. Thank you for the code. Thank for the patience. Thank you for the love. Thank you for The Family. Thank you for Mars being visible tonight. Thank you for the knowledge of self. Thank you for the strength to use it. Thank you. I am a dream come true. There is much love here. This is Josalisa in a Love Riot. 

A Final Release

I'm freer still today. I'm not sure what happened to me. But I have fucking exploded with joy. It's not the run through the streets kind...well it sort of is. It's strange to write about joy. You see I'm really into my post- apocalyptic cyber punk blogger spiel. It's been going well. But I guess it's not for today. Today is all about freedom. Freedom of expression. The freedom to say do and be whoever you want. No matter what. I guess I pretty much have it down to a science. But I don't celebrate it enough. I've been set free from my mental bondage. I tried so many routes. I won't revel here what road I have taken. I will say only this, it's the road to ultimate freedom for real. I can see why so many people seem fucking miserable. No one wants to see the reality of this world. 

The world's darkness is it's light. The world's light is it's darkness. And in the biding blinding light of that darkness is true freedom. I started the year off focusing only on what I want. And yes...I want some stupid fucked up shit, but I hope to be smarter when I'm older so I don't beat myself up so bad. I'm sort of scared to revel this but every single thing I have focused on has come true. It's so fucking freaky I have not even wanted to write about it until now. And I kind of still don't want to. All of these manifestations that I hoped would free me eventually did. I mean it has. I was only trapped in my own mind. It's not a physical prison, but I could not see my way out. So I was trapped. The strange thing is, and no one warned me about this. About this part of using my full power in the world. I had a sneaking suspicion this may happen but I never expressed it. The more I get what  I want, the more fucked up crazy shit I want. I am in no way searching for the beautiful light at the end of the rainbow, a childhood dream no doubt. I want the darkness at the end of the tunnel. I just want to touch it. To see if it's real. I know it is real. I just want to see if I can handle it. Can I make it all real. Can I touch all I dream of. And how many demons shall I see on this trip? Will they all be of assistance? It's funny how what I thought was true was so not. I mean it was, but not in the way I saw it. Everything in my mind is true. And all of my dreams are real. I guess that's why some of them are funny. I can really come up with some fucked up shit in my mind. But I still want to do it, because I know it will be fun and liberating. What am I trying to be liberated from? From my own mind still. It is filled with all the things I still have to unlearn. All the knowledge I really need I have forgotten. So I am working on instinct. Using all the things I have leaned about matter manipulation and ...well that really is enough. The madness is gaining on me and I love it. I have surrendered to the thing deep down inside of me. I have left the spring of my youth and entered the winter of my descent. As I look back what will I miss? At the end of what I hope to be a year long journey, what will be revealed to me? The more I learn the less I care to share. That is strange to me because I am used to telling everything. But the passage of information in some cases can dilute it. So in this post I have reveled nothing. Which is the first step in learning everything. I am Josalisa and this is a RiOt of epic proportions.

This night will be magic. I will enjoy it and I will have fun and be love of love and for love. No matter what. I love you.

Some Dead Hacker's Metropolitan Blues

I was afraid and got healed by the robots

Oh how the Robots caress my soul

I was nursing wombs...well here are the robots

The reminders of all our dreams come true

Deep in the forest decays a robot

Captured by thoughts long ago

Now only dark truth

I was running in the night

To the lights of the robots

Codes like new notes sang out loud

I was in the box and in the cloud was a robot

The kind that makes you wish for something new

I made a sound and the sound came from a robot

We all called it the Hackers blues

I used my mind efficient like a robot

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I freed my mind and replaced it with a robot

Only cosmonauts know my blues

I saw the sky in the land of the robots

Costly ideas numbers and buildings 

Feeding our children food made by robots

This is the metropolitan blues

We mowed our lawns and replaced grass with robots

The whole world is a fucking tool

But you all knew that already

Didn't you?

I study science and the world is a robot

Abandoned then reused

Nothing last forever but the hearts of the robots

One day we will all swim in them like digital swimming pools

Josalisa had a dream about a RiOt lead by robots

But that's just some dead hacker's Metropolitan blues