A Final Release

I'm freer still today. I'm not sure what happened to me. But I have fucking exploded with joy. It's not the run through the streets kind...well it sort of is. It's strange to write about joy. You see I'm really into my post- apocalyptic cyber punk blogger spiel. It's been going well. But I guess it's not for today. Today is all about freedom. Freedom of expression. The freedom to say do and be whoever you want. No matter what. I guess I pretty much have it down to a science. But I don't celebrate it enough. I've been set free from my mental bondage. I tried so many routes. I won't revel here what road I have taken. I will say only this, it's the road to ultimate freedom for real. I can see why so many people seem fucking miserable. No one wants to see the reality of this world. 

The world's darkness is it's light. The world's light is it's darkness. And in the biding blinding light of that darkness is true freedom. I started the year off focusing only on what I want. And yes...I want some stupid fucked up shit, but I hope to be smarter when I'm older so I don't beat myself up so bad. I'm sort of scared to revel this but every single thing I have focused on has come true. It's so fucking freaky I have not even wanted to write about it until now. And I kind of still don't want to. All of these manifestations that I hoped would free me eventually did. I mean it has. I was only trapped in my own mind. It's not a physical prison, but I could not see my way out. So I was trapped. The strange thing is, and no one warned me about this. About this part of using my full power in the world. I had a sneaking suspicion this may happen but I never expressed it. The more I get what  I want, the more fucked up crazy shit I want. I am in no way searching for the beautiful light at the end of the rainbow, a childhood dream no doubt. I want the darkness at the end of the tunnel. I just want to touch it. To see if it's real. I know it is real. I just want to see if I can handle it. Can I make it all real. Can I touch all I dream of. And how many demons shall I see on this trip? Will they all be of assistance? It's funny how what I thought was true was so not. I mean it was, but not in the way I saw it. Everything in my mind is true. And all of my dreams are real. I guess that's why some of them are funny. I can really come up with some fucked up shit in my mind. But I still want to do it, because I know it will be fun and liberating. What am I trying to be liberated from? From my own mind still. It is filled with all the things I still have to unlearn. All the knowledge I really need I have forgotten. So I am working on instinct. Using all the things I have leaned about matter manipulation and ...well that really is enough. The madness is gaining on me and I love it. I have surrendered to the thing deep down inside of me. I have left the spring of my youth and entered the winter of my descent. As I look back what will I miss? At the end of what I hope to be a year long journey, what will be revealed to me? The more I learn the less I care to share. That is strange to me because I am used to telling everything. But the passage of information in some cases can dilute it. So in this post I have reveled nothing. Which is the first step in learning everything. I am Josalisa and this is a RiOt of epic proportions.