A Rotten Lament

My heart is at war with this sick nation of rotten human beings
They are all sick rotten from the inside out
I can smell your evil and see your filth
It's your soul you think you don't have
The soul of most people disgust me
I can see it the filth
I can see it your slow suicide.
I want to help it move faster but I don't care
I can see you all fester
You greedy infantile lonely little bastards
You are all dying or as I pointed out desperately trying
But me I live in the face of your tragic calamity 
I see your hate physically and digitally 
I see you out there lonely reaching for a dying memory
I see you drown your wicked deeds
You think you commit them against one another but it's only yourself
I see you suffering and understand 
I share with you my own you can never understand
Surface dweller minds alive in the hive of information
You have all become dumber slicker iller
As the brave hearts receive this gift we have been waiting for
I see you praying for disaster begging for failure 
It is always yours and never that of the so called enemy
The sick and wicked are only pretty if they cover themselves with chemicals
Yes I am a tragic beauty and live my life as a criminal
Underground beneath this thirsty town
I see the beauty in you and I reach for it
It sends me wise teachers they all say the same
Make a break for it and never look back
This whole world is the same
This is the tragic source of my sorrowful lament 
I have love I have peace I have beauty I have tasted the lips of death
Yet I feel only a few possess realness and true depth
You all lie to yourselves and then I have to stand here and see the truth in your eyes 
My vision is a curse a personal punishment of mine 
I can fucking see you even as you sleep I can see your dreams
I've tried to close my eyes but once they see the light they can never be blind again
Once I see your soul which is made oh so fucking clear we can never be bound again
I am an outsider in this world
Made to live on the outskirts of town making potions and seeing all the bitter drown
I speak to the dead every day and early every morning 
They point out that I am surrounded by a mournful congregation
And the stars are shinning for me a map of the known universe
Available with the naked human eye
The only real gift the world's real Master has left
I am a woman with only one eye
This is my hateful lament for the wicked
You cheap dirty bastards
 You can never kill a dream because as you close your eyes you become nothing
As we become everything
I dream of one day killing you with my bare hands 
You are already dead aren't you
I hope these words bury you further in your American Nightmare
This tired song is played by no other than
The Real Lady Die
It's a rare public appearance but apparently she is still alive
Fully awake in the digital matrix
Conscience of the wicked minds in which you dwell
May you all rot in your personal Heaven/Hell

Why I Suffer/Why I Smile

Because I'm a geek in a world full of basic people. I see all my comic book heroes coming to life on the big screen. In a way I want to keep them to myself. In a way I want the world to love them. But who really ever sees what's coming in the future? (Well me but that shit hurts my head a bit). We can only analyze the past and that gets distorted pretty quickly. So I surround myself with Raekwon and Lemmy maybe they can fill me with the strength to get by on this. The creativity. Yesterday I ran into Matthew Lillard and he told me to stay Punk Rock. I wanted to tell him that I will forever Hack The Planet but I couldn't get the words out. But I will stay a cyber punk in my heart until I die. It's been written and confirmed by The Cereal Killer himself. So why do I question my Allies or myself? Over and over again? It's because I'm not sure. I am surprised by my effect on the world. I am surprised at how clear the things I love are laid out in front of me. I need to stop questioning and just enjoy. So I am here to enjoy the experience. It is a lovely tragic ride this life of mine. I love...I am loved back...I fear...I see fear reflected back. My Guru says it's all a mirror and it really is. But it is also just life. My birthday is tomorrow. Another year of Sho Sho activity. I can look back with a smile. It has been a great year so far. It has been a fucking amazing year so far. The shit has been so special it makes me want to cry...tears of joy and sadness at the same time. It made me want to have a breakdown and I did. But art was created even through the incredible madness. I am on the right path...it's the path to my greatness. I see it reflected in the eyes of the world. I am love. I am peace. I am madness. I am beauty. I am bravery. I am art. I am the accumulation of my own imagination. I am a wife...which may be the scariest part of all. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am a co-creator in my life. I can make joy rain down on me. I am Sherry Yvonne Chovan....I am Angelisa Josalisa. I am Mrs. 51416. I am a living breathing force to be reckoned with on the Planet. I am a girl in a room with a diary open to the world. I hope you hear me friends. I am freedom. I am... Valhalla. There is much love here...and all is mothefucking well!!!!

This has been Josalisa In a Riot of Peace and Joy and sorrow...all at the same time. 
I love you all...it's my Birthday and the Resurrection at the same time. Let all the joy rain down on me.

A Rampage Of Appreciation

I want to thank my Guru for being my teacher. I already have, but I want to say it again. I am changed. I am the same but in my heart I am changed. In this world you have to have your allies. You have to make an alliance with those who live in the same vibrational vortex. Even if you have to change your life to reach your peers. I had to fight my fear to reach my goals. I had to free myself from the programming. I have been reprogrammed by myself. Possibly by my Guru. Or maybe I want to say it's my Guru because I don't want to admit it was my own power. But I know it was. I'm getting stronger, I'm getting further away from my programming. What if my hero was my best friend? What if my Lover was the co-creator in this dream? What if we all worked towards true freedom of the mind? There is no what if...it is reality. I am reaching for real joy. Real joy is here. And so is honesty and really looking at myself. From my on prospective with uncensored and uninfluenced eyes. I see myself as a great continuation of the Entity. The creativity that is within me spills out. So today I dance with my death and my fear. All of my reality is created by me. I only see what I want. And all of my dreams come true. Every moment is a dream. I walk in the light of pure joy and sail the stream of true dreaming. I am only will. Thank you for the in spirited. Thank you for the dream believers. Thank you for my family. Thank you for my allies. Thank you for my supporters. Thank you for the code. Thank for the patience. Thank you for the love. Thank you for The Family. Thank you for Mars being visible tonight. Thank you for the knowledge of self. Thank you for the strength to use it. Thank you. I am a dream come true. There is much love here. This is Josalisa in a Love Riot. 

A Final Release

I'm freer still today. I'm not sure what happened to me. But I have fucking exploded with joy. It's not the run through the streets kind...well it sort of is. It's strange to write about joy. You see I'm really into my post- apocalyptic cyber punk blogger spiel. It's been going well. But I guess it's not for today. Today is all about freedom. Freedom of expression. The freedom to say do and be whoever you want. No matter what. I guess I pretty much have it down to a science. But I don't celebrate it enough. I've been set free from my mental bondage. I tried so many routes. I won't revel here what road I have taken. I will say only this, it's the road to ultimate freedom for real. I can see why so many people seem fucking miserable. No one wants to see the reality of this world. 

The world's darkness is it's light. The world's light is it's darkness. And in the biding blinding light of that darkness is true freedom. I started the year off focusing only on what I want. And yes...I want some stupid fucked up shit, but I hope to be smarter when I'm older so I don't beat myself up so bad. I'm sort of scared to revel this but every single thing I have focused on has come true. It's so fucking freaky I have not even wanted to write about it until now. And I kind of still don't want to. All of these manifestations that I hoped would free me eventually did. I mean it has. I was only trapped in my own mind. It's not a physical prison, but I could not see my way out. So I was trapped. The strange thing is, and no one warned me about this. About this part of using my full power in the world. I had a sneaking suspicion this may happen but I never expressed it. The more I get what  I want, the more fucked up crazy shit I want. I am in no way searching for the beautiful light at the end of the rainbow, a childhood dream no doubt. I want the darkness at the end of the tunnel. I just want to touch it. To see if it's real. I know it is real. I just want to see if I can handle it. Can I make it all real. Can I touch all I dream of. And how many demons shall I see on this trip? Will they all be of assistance? It's funny how what I thought was true was so not. I mean it was, but not in the way I saw it. Everything in my mind is true. And all of my dreams are real. I guess that's why some of them are funny. I can really come up with some fucked up shit in my mind. But I still want to do it, because I know it will be fun and liberating. What am I trying to be liberated from? From my own mind still. It is filled with all the things I still have to unlearn. All the knowledge I really need I have forgotten. So I am working on instinct. Using all the things I have leaned about matter manipulation and ...well that really is enough. The madness is gaining on me and I love it. I have surrendered to the thing deep down inside of me. I have left the spring of my youth and entered the winter of my descent. As I look back what will I miss? At the end of what I hope to be a year long journey, what will be revealed to me? The more I learn the less I care to share. That is strange to me because I am used to telling everything. But the passage of information in some cases can dilute it. So in this post I have reveled nothing. Which is the first step in learning everything. I am Josalisa and this is a RiOt of epic proportions.

This night will be magic. I will enjoy it and I will have fun and be love of love and for love. No matter what. I love you.

Some Dead Hacker's Metropolitan Blues

I was afraid and got healed by the robots

Oh how the Robots caress my soul

I was nursing wombs...well here are the robots

The reminders of all our dreams come true

Deep in the forest decays a robot

Captured by thoughts long ago

Now only dark truth

I was running in the night

To the lights of the robots

Codes like new notes sang out loud

I was in the box and in the cloud was a robot

The kind that makes you wish for something new

I made a sound and the sound came from a robot

We all called it the Hackers blues

I used my mind efficient like a robot

323535634364999322

I freed my mind and replaced it with a robot

Only cosmonauts know my blues

I saw the sky in the land of the robots

Costly ideas numbers and buildings 

Feeding our children food made by robots

This is the metropolitan blues

We mowed our lawns and replaced grass with robots

The whole world is a fucking tool

But you all knew that already

Didn't you?

I study science and the world is a robot

Abandoned then reused

Nothing last forever but the hearts of the robots

One day we will all swim in them like digital swimming pools

Josalisa had a dream about a RiOt lead by robots

But that's just some dead hacker's Metropolitan blues

Annoyed For No Good Reason

Okay, so I'm weirdly depressed. Maybe I can figure this all out in one blog post. I'm somewhat annoyed at the fact that I don't really have anything I want to eat in the house. I went shopping twice this week and I'm still not happy. I want hot chocolate right now but I don't have any. I could drink coffee but it's not the same, now is it? I'm cold for no good reason. I'm under a blanket in my room cold. That pisses me off. I wanted crackers but I didn't buy any. My Mom had to buy Ritz from Big Lots to save a dollar. Those shits are stale as hell and that pisses me off. I just feel so unsatisfied right now. I want to snack on something. I have pasta I made yesterday. Ravioli with four cheeses. It was good. But it's not what I want. Dude, I got a lot of First World Problems. But they really are annoying to me. Everything is just getting on my nerves right now. Dang I wish I had some hot chocolate. I am not going back to the grocery store right now. But man, what a bummer. This blog post is making me feel worst. I can't figure out what is in my vibration that is making feel so funky. And is that my throat trying to hurt, or is that a stale ass cracker in there? I wonder if tea will make me feel better. Know this blogerspher. I am just not happy right now. I think I should just turn off my music. Memory Tapes if anyone is asking. And just watch some tv. I may be too much in my head. This blog post was pointless. But...maybe they all all. Fucking mind. I need to go watch Star Wars in 3D but I'm far too lazy for that now. Also my Mom's nurse is here. I can't believe my Mom has a nurse, what kind of life am I'm living? Having elderly parents is like the most depressing thing ever. You just somehow think your parents are going to live healthy and happy forever. It's just a real bummer to think my Mom has a in-home nurse now. And it's me part time, which is even more bizarre than the stranger currently in my living room. I need a vacation. I've been on two in town staycations in two months. They help but I need to go further and for a longer period of time. My life is overwhelming and I don't even have space in my brain to complain about it. I am very unsatisfied right now. So tea which is not hot chocolate and a nice black and white film. Lets see how long I can stand that. The dumbest part about all of this and that it's just PMS. This is just a PMS rant. I wish I was above it. It gets to me every time. Also in the interest of full disclosure I ate two bags or Pop Chips in an hour yesterday.