I've Touched The Dying

Let it all rain over me. The love, the peace, the insanity. It all makes me braver. The curiosity I savor. Here's a poem because I don't have much to say this morning. I got a new electric piano and I'm saving all my love for it....I've touched the dying:

All my songs in my head/ I write for the dead/ They sing along in sweet sorrow/ I'm like a baby bird/ Flying by on wings that will be stronger tomorrow/ How far are the other worlds/ I want to reach them soon/ Like the man on the moon/ I see it all up close at a distant/ In life I'm on a true poetic mission/ How many minds can I reach with my heart/ One song can change it all/ In the blink of an eye/ From birth to becoming the Real Lady Die/ Inside my heart is an ocean/ I can't really show it to you/ I'm just going to try

Okay so that's it. The revelation is not life changing. But how many things really are? Some will live a whole human life, and not be surprised by it all. It's fascinating, the pride of the fall. How we cover our heads with hats and get all fat trying to be something. We are not that much. Just one energy creating this illusion of life. We are temporary souls in a flesh suit. Trying to stay alive. Trying to make it last. Hoping we will never have to come back. Others praying to never leave the misery. It's just as easy to become a prisoner of the mind as it is to be free...My name is Josalisa and I am in a digital RiOt.

Flowing Through My Mind

Now the doors are wide open for my creativity to flow. It's nice to be able to express myself. Like it's all a breath of fresh air. I don't think I was in any sort of stagnation, I just forget to breath often. I hold my breath way too much. Like it's all too overwhelming or pathetic living in this world. There is a peace that washes over my sadness. It's very beautiful really. Like dancing alone under the stars. When it gets really quiet in my mind I can except my joy. I can hear my music better. The reverberation is my comfort. Knowing I have been like this for so long makes me feel like my entire existence in this plane has been an experiment. In comfort, art, reality creating, and self expression. It's all just a preforming arts project. The guilt I feel constant in my life is a result of me always trying to change others. I think they all should be more like me. Charity is an act of an egomaniac. Not most charity but the emotional kind is, as far as my efforts on that front has been. The ego is so sickening, it really does poison a person. I think the biggest poisons facing Americans today (besides drug dependency) is Alcoholism and egomania. They go hand and hand I'm sure. But they are both real poison. The shit clouds human vision. They block the aura from flowing right, I'm sure. But what am I to do about something like that? Nothing, of course but the presence of the poisons makes it hard to communicate with most people. But that might be a good thing. It's like another level of the filter. What I really love is accepting it all. It helps me move through this world so much better. After I get the flow of making the sounds together just how I like it. I'm going to focus on starting out of my great adventure. This city, or the people who I have access to in it are boring and they make me feel boring. I want to see the true creators. The ones who dare to dream. Real dreams not just some commercial they think they relate to. Many people in this city are like a commercial. Probably because they are reflecting a television program instead of their own reality. Anyway...such as life. My reflection is madness. The madness lets others know I am not vibrating on their level of reality. I think that is how best to the describe the ones who I no longer feel. They are out their vibrating on another frequency. I feel so free right now. I feel like the dead or the new born must feel. Relaxed, curious, and 100% aware that only things I want can happen to me. I might see things I don't want I might hear about them. But they are not for me. I am creating my own reality. I have made that choice. It's an unchallengeable decision. I made it years ago, but I feel I don't say it enough. So I am going to do it again. I am creating my own reality. It's the ultimate art project. How many will truly understand? How many do I truly understand? So that is all for now. I shall be. Unchallenged and unaffected by the empty. I am like a tree. Patient and steadfast in my ways. I'm not a Sequoia, I'm more like those trees Dr. Seuss draws. You know all twisted and hella fucking colorful. Anyway all is well....This is Josalisa and I am in a RiOt.

Infinite Clarity With My Creations

Another day on this Spaceship. Everyday I wake up it's another power up . On this little adventure I have agreed to. The musical aspect of my life has improved it greatly. It's like music came into my life and freed me in some unknown way. So it's my great escape in a way. But it's more like my great way to share myself with the spirits. Something about singing and making sounds with instruments. Maybe it's just the Earth's melody coming to join me every time I sing. It's not that I'm that good. But the rhythm is natural and that makes all the difference. Last year music saved me from my great sorrow. This year who knows where it shall take me. I know I'm ready to experience whatever it is. I don't feel so empty anymore. The isolation that has never bothered me, seems to embrace me. Making it not isolation but inspiration at every turn. I keep repeating this, but I have become what I wanted to be. It's so strange how that can happen. I guess I have been this way all along. It's was just the letting go that needed to happen. Letting go of the anger, of the blame, trying to figure and help people out. The moment I realized we are all what we have always wanted to be. I realized all the time I was trying to help change people, it was not helping them. They are that way because they dream to be. My interventions only sicken me. True freedom is embarrassing that. We are here because we asked to come here, we are who we are because we asked to reflect that. So dance to my songs friends. Sing along with my. Like The Family showed me last year, we can heal it all through music and love. So this is what the great joy feels like. I thought it was financial wealth that gave this kind of joy. Wealth is so much more than money, but it really does help. Wealth is the ability to see and create in this reality, while knowing it is all an illusion. We are creating our own lives every moment, all of the time. We decide what we want to see and how to react to it. The reaction is the most important part for me. I always get carried away with the reaction. That is how I ended up in the suffering. Not understanding that my reaction is everything. To react correctly in a situation is the hallmark of every situation you create for yourself. I believe all of the negative and emotionally dangerous people are out of my life. It took that spell almost five months to work but it is solid now. I believe I have protected myself from the filth of the diseased minds of others. Now light can flood in and honesty and warmth. I am this woman. So brave and I cannot stop smiling. Knowing where I feel I am going. Who will be there to meet me. What I will see. How I can write and paint and draw again. How I stepped back into the magic of deliberate creation. How I have closed the door on the things I do not want. I walk in the forest of great pleasure and everything I have ever dreamed of for myself is here. So here is to the Universal vibration this love creates. I have join the choir of joy. It is created through sacred geometry and the deep understanding that creation is everything, and it is all in my own hands. The things I will do today will be brave moves made with love and intention. I am these hands and this mouth and these eyes. They are mine. I am here to use them to the best of my abilities. This voice will heal me. It has healed me. What a strange little adventure I am on. This is the moment I understood my purpose, or accepted it. Either way. I am joyful and the entire thing is more funny than I can explain in just one post... I am Josalisa and this is a fucking RiOt.

A Prayer For The Living Dead.

It's all a great mystery, but I understand it. How to really survive on a living Planet. Most days I feel just surrounded by emotional enemies. But then I step back and remember they are all me. There really is no they only us times infinity. With this understanding it's not all that bad. I mean what it really means is that everyone is one being, one hive mind. So if I don't like someone, or something I just have to change my mind and that person will change, or disappear from my life. It's strange how many people just disappear. Like you can be just in love with someone's presence. Feel an actual disturbance in your own presence, attempt to change yourself and people disappear. Like they were just a manifestation of the fuck up state of mind you once were in. It is quite fascinating the experiment. This existence. I constantly question why humans behave the way they do. Like why do people feel the need to reinvent themselves? Is it because they fear what they have become? Some of us have become such little fucking emotional monsters. What I have become, this beautiful Madwoman. This chaser of dreams and creator of worlds. I love it. It's what I came here for. I am very interested to see what other elements I can consciously control. I really feel I have become more powerful. Within myself and on the globe. How much can I control? What is really outside my scope of power? What if nothing was, what would I do with such an understanding. Become a Hermit, a Dancing Madman. Or just this, a woman with the ability to see. I kind of want to touch everything. But I am afraid of that desire. Like what will I see? Will this world overwhelm me? But then I think that is what we are here for. We live, we get overwhelmed, and eventually this Planet extinguishes us. To become what? More of this, Star Stuff. I can feel it all within my heart. It feels big and yet so small and delicate. Like we all are. It's a lonely Planet within a Lonely Universe, surrounded by endless possibility. So much is within my grasp I often close my eyes because the weight of it hurts. I've made it this far, dragging my optimism. Really loving and understanding love is a gift. Most use and manipulate until they are exhausted. What if we all just loved and reflected love? No wonder the world is full of tired angry people. Hate must be fucking exhausting. It's the end of the world as we know it. But how could we ever know it. So many don't want to go on. What a time to be alive as the population prays for a quick death. I pray for a long conversation with my own death. My familiar friend who offers me guidance through the darkness. And keeps me separated from the mad dogs of this existence. Good bye to the ones who have become something else. Hello to the beauty that only comes from within.... I am Josalisa and this is part of my Riot.

Empty Thoughts To Fill Empty Space.

I know I'm not the same person, I'm stronger now. In my madness. I understand it now from back here, in my own comfort. It's lonely out there, we group together for the sorrow breaks our hearts. We lie out of fear. The stupid are so arrogant they surround us all with jealously. The fucking great destroyer if you ask me. I feel better now, with the magic available at my fingertips. To consciously create my reality. Knowing Spider has always been there and is really the one responsible for my life now. He lead me to this. Freedom of expression. Freedom of regression. To a time where it was all divine. Like now. In the still of the morning, where it is all possible. Where it is just now being created. The preverbal mountain top that I jump off everyday. This magic works. This writing down, or painting of things. This creation of new sounds that explain it all ever so clearly. To them maybe, but it's really all for me. A record of the event of this life. The results of these social experiments I'm semi-invested in. What is the purpose of all of this wondering and figuring? If life is really the great equation, should we all be in pursuit of the answer? Or is that more of the madness? Are we to see the equation as a beautiful unsolvable spectacle? Should we be inspired to write our own? So many questions. And the answer is always the same. Go out there, leave this city. Explore the vastness. Never believe any of it to be real. It's all just empty space coming into creation. A little confusing, new but absolutely perfect. And that's how I see it. I'm close but yet so far away. From the others, from truly seeing it all as it really is. The Earth, this life. To me it's all exploration and fascination. Joy and dreaming. But for some, it is all emotion. That is the nature of existence. Emotion. Most are only fueled by it. The ones like us, fueled with imagination, we are the seekers of wisdom and the true leaders of this Brave New World. Here to offer love, but most importantly and this is the part I always forget. We are here for personal joy and a great life of fulfillment. No matter what. So here's to never having to figure them out. Here's to Black Magic songs and powers. Here's to Sigils and comic books. Here's to my dreams becoming art and that art becoming my reality. But most important of all. Here's to remembering why I came here in the first place. To enjoy this great adventure. And to document as much of it as I can. For I am a bleeding journalist. And these are my confessions. Live From Spaceship Earth. I am Josalisa and this is part of my RiOt.

This was a dream.

I just awoke from this dream that was heavy with symbolism. I was offered a job by a dream personality. I did not recognize her, however she told me it was the third interview. She was looking for an assistant. She had a Conner office on the top floor. It was totally glass and shaped like a pyramid or elongated hyper-cube turned into a pyramid. Later on I was at lunch with my Mother and and a dream personality. We were in my dream beach community (this is a recurring place) we were eating lunch. The dream personality asked me to return her food to the chef because it was burnt or whatever. I reluctantly did. The chef said he could not return her money. But he gave me a handful of salt to rub in my hands, I threw some of it over my shoulder. I asked if it was voodoo. He handed me a rock and said I could not have touched it without the salt first. It was glass and shaped like a small octopus. It had a blue eye in the middle. Sort of like the thing that wards off the evil eye. There were three people behind me in line during this transaction. They felt the glass rock/marble/crystal was a special gift.

A mastermind with a unrested mind/digesting thoughts/geek is my sub culture/that's why I watch cartoons and documentaries alone in a room at night/ with the 3rd one sleeping beside me/I'm ashamed of how my insomnia makes him drowsy/I'm a horrid girlfriend/who can fall in love with a cyber punk/I think it's all a dream some fool made up/shinning brighly alive but I've been dead since the last time the world ended