A Pendulum InThe Darkness

In one sense I am an emotional wreck. You know maybe some people may sense that from outward appearances, or prolonged exposure. What I really sense is a kind of heighten awareness. Like I can see the future, it is here, and bright as fuck. I wonder what it all really means. Am I some kind of modern day soothsayer? Why do I have such heighten sensitivity? I feel like my destiny is calling...really freaking loud. So I'll make the stuff, and say the stuff, and color it all for ya. Because today is a day just like all the others. Only it's different. Better, braver, more unquestioning. I will not deny my inner spirit. Even though I'm not sure what will come for all my work, which the lames never realize is work, or hard at that. To share yourself, to find the words to describe what it is that is going on in your little corner of the universe. To remain steadfast in your creative vision, even if that vision takes decades to sharpen, and tons of books, and typing the average Americans truly isn't prepared for. I'll say it, spray it, and play it for life. May the Hip Hop, and Rock n Roll Gods respectively shine down on me. And bless me with continued bad-assary, and bravery in the face of all that are blind to, or would want to poison me. This is my life's mission, somewhat clear but most of all consistent.

Josalisa, I spread madness of the most blinding type to the universe, through an ethernet cable.

Wish me luck, or at the very least pray for me. This world is too cruel and I find joy in all the darkest places it seems to want to hide. I am a lamp, and I am swinging like a pendulum in the darkness of space.

My Daydream

In the boredom that is my daily life. It's basic but I'm over it as usual. I know things are going my way which is beautiful. I don't even really have any complaints right now. I guess I just would like to go on some kind of vacation or something. You know go across the pond, that sort of thing. Maybe I just need to be thankful. I know I'm there for my friends, and family. At the very least I am chalking up tones of good karma. Blah,blah,blah, I'm out. I'm eating a massive pice of cheesecake though I have too many body image issues to even list here.

Social Phobias & the spelll check option for all.

So everyday I get a littler richer, which is just the manifestation of all the suffering, and faith I've been living with. Now that I have a decent amount of dough I feel a little more comfortable in the public sphere. I also have to admit that my home life has improved some also. I mean my home life basically consist of me in my room watching loads of telly then blogging about it. Or going on short adventures, and then blogging about it. I sometimes find my digital life more comforting. Not really more comforting, but easier to deal with. Probably because the feedback is optional, unlike my home life where the feedback is constant, and unwarranted. I guess it's always getting better...you know the whole show of reality. I can't say that I won't have a panic attack while waiting for my therapist in her overcrowded office, like I did earlier in the week. All I can say is that I'll except it as just being the way I am. The more I except myself no matter what, the more creative I can be. Also I can be more comfortable during my silent,and down time. Which often takes place while in a highly social situation. I guess some people get offended when a girl doesn't want to be considerably social. However these are more than likely the same group of people who enjoy doing most of the activities I find unbearable. So maybe the universe just balances all this stuff out. Introverts over here...extroverts over there...madmen to the back...punk rock for the lot.

Who needs a daily re-cap?

What's more annoying than having a great day alone, and than having to explain why? To me one of the most important things is to have the freedom to spend my time how a want it. It's like if that is challenged in any way. I just get really pissed off. The world is annoying enough without having to explaining your every move. I mean I feel bizarre enough. Who really needs a daily re-cap,anyway?

It would be a lot simpler if everyone just...you know I don't know to make things easier. I just know my personal time is my own. Just because I am a woman I don't need to be protected form myself every minute of the day. Ugh....
too much..

Sid & Nancy Attacks

The Junkos are at my door again.

Banging it down for the man.

Trying to fill the needle.

Their golden arms itching again.

And to ask for weed in the same breath.

Their desperation is my death.

I still believe they fake it.

But they still need to take until there is nothing left.

I'm putting my foot down.

Fuck a burnt spoon, and a dream.

Today the junkies I will not feed.

- Josalisa

Post- Apocalyptic Blog Post:

This Was A Dream...


It was a basic attack of wack rappers, or a full on hatter attack.
I know not which.
My dream started off with me, and my friends J,& J all hanging out.
We were in one of my dream neighborhoods.
It was near a bus stop by a video store I once dreamed of...or was I dreaming about the bus stop/both?
Either way, we where going to a friends house.
I can't remember if it was a mutual friend, or just my friend.
The only thing that is clear is that it was a dreamworld friend, not a real world friend.
The friend could have been Fabien.
Yeah, it was Fabien.
We went to her house in my dream.
It was a really big two-story type number.
She had a husband or a boyfriend living there.
I can't remember if the man was Tony (some dude I used to work for), or Jose's Dad.
Maybe a crossbreed, I don't know.
Point being she was living with this dude, a husband type thing.
She had over some rappers with her.
I think they may have been underground.
They were good emcees for sure I remember that.
They where not rhyming but it was made clear in some way.
We where all sitting around having a peaceful if not some how odd time.
It was odd because I kept trying to look around and recognize someone, or something besides J & J.
You know like who the guys were, who the host was, and where the hell I was.
At one point some new guys came from like the back part of the house.
They where cool enough.
The were dressed like those Hip Hop geek style Hipsters, and I recognized one of them as Drake.
The other ones were Drakes style, or level emcees.
To me that means mediocre, but with honey on top.
They came in seemed cool, and were a welcome addiction to whatever madness was currently at hand.
J&J seemed to be enjoying themselves.
Which was good to me, because they both seem to constantly be at different stages of misery.
Most of the time anyway.
Taking this a good sign, and my cue.
I went exploring through the house.
One to find out more about my surroundings, and two to find out if other emcees may have been around.
I walked around for a very short while, I found nothing to really speak of.
Finally I found the back room I felt the mediocre emcees most have emerged from.
The door was somewhat ajar.
I heard rhyming coming from inside, saw a light, and some guys.
I went inside, and was surrounding by a stronghold of real emcees.
One of them being Russell Jones (O.D.B) Rest In Peace.
I sat down got relaxed, and felt alright.
I saw other members of the Wu Tang (I can't remember who).
Their rhymes, and there vibe was right.
The room was kind of small, and ghetto compared to the rest of the house I had seen.
They where smoking blunts, and drinking forties.
I felt really at home for a minute.
Until...
The host, Fabien I think, rushed in the room, and told me I needed to get out their.
Either the people in the room, or her husband/boyfriend (I couldn't understand which) was about to get dangerous.
I know now the woman was really Fabien, because the thick French accent was the thing that confused me about the warning.
I remember looking around the room, and thinking the guys didn't seem like a threat to me.
Plus O.D.B. was there.
So I figured it was the husband, or someone in another room she was talking about.
I got out of there fast, told J&J who was still talking to the mediocre rappers to lets get the hell out of there.
They got up fast, and we began to make our way out.
As we where heading to the door the dangerous person (I don't know who it was) begin to start acting buck.
We began to run, and a chase ensued.
It was us Vs. The stranger, and the mediocre rappers.
The dream went from weird to scary at this point.
We felt danger on our tails.
It was a chase across the dream neighborhood.
It lead to backyard fence hopping.
Nice manicured backyards.
Dirt field looking backyards.
Crazy back yards with abandoned cars in them.
The chase went over fences.
Chain-link fences.
Brick fences.
Those little white picket fences.
Even badly broken brick fences.
It was intense.
We finally got to this carnival, or amusement park type place.
We ran through it, no sign of the enemy, but still we ran.
We got to the end of the park/carnival, when J saw a friend driving by.
We flagged them down.
They were driving a wagon, you know like a Mom car.
A Toyota mini van or some shit.
It had one of those sliding doors I always feel like I'm going to fall out of.
Well we got in safe and sounds as it were.
It was full of people J&J recognized.
I didn't know the lot.
We got in the last row of seats, the thing had three rows.
A punk, or greaser guy was asleep in the chair in front of me.
I saw the chair was wet, and for whatever reason thought to clean up the wetness.
Once I begin both the guy, and a girl who was next to him got mad.
I couldn't see why, I explained my intentions but it didn't cool the situation.
I think they both thought I was trying to touch the guy, you know sexually.
I began to confess my madness, and the story of the chase.
In hopes of illustrating the lack of attention I had for this level of drama.
As a final show of madness I showed them how my shoes didn't even match that day.
I was wearing one Van, and one Jordan.
One Blue shoe, and one Pink further demonstrating my panicked situation.
While demonstrating this, I noticed J had on the exact shoe combination.
I figured we could make that right, so I asked to switch one pair for the matching.
I chose the Jordan's.
While she was passing me the other Jordan off of her foot it somehow fell out of the sliding door.
It went into traffic, and begin to get run over by passing vehicles.
I remember now the door was opened because this group was passing out fliers to groups of people on the street, and passing motorist.
The flier where something politics, or art related.
In The Metropolis the two arts and politics make for constant bedfellows.
I no not why.
I really didn't want to lose my shoe, it being a Jordan 12 with an Air Force one mix.
This seems strange, but I have a similar looking pair at home.
The shoe was pushed onto some train tracks, I dropped out of the car, and begin pursuit.
I found a bum holding the shoe.
The bum really looked like a post-apocalyptic cyberpunk kid once I got close enough to see him.
The sole was loose, and he was holding it in his hand.
I found the other part, and it was over.
I wanted the shoe anyway so I picked it up, and tried to get off the tracks fast, because the kid had pointed out the train moving quickly toward us.
I begin to run, but felt the train gaining fast.
In the end I don't know if I escaped from the train, or not.
I awoke in a confused freight.
...and that's all folks.

In the Ghetto we are Angles

We are real Angels

Yesterday I had an epiphany

In this life you have to reach for your dreams

Through the pain and the misery

Lies a memory more precious than gold

A tale of truth untold

At the moment of creation

We all were given the wings we'll need to fly

Humanity has always reached for the sky

And over again, and again made it

I am an example of infinite wisdom

Through the pain

I wrote down my life's plan at seven

Through the pain reaching for Heaven

Now I'm living it out

Making every move I dreamed about

I'm doing it through the pain

With a smile, and mad style

I'm expressing my existence like a documentary

I cry from the suffering

Yet the beat shall save me

I wield the pen like a Samurai sword

In the name of the abandoned, and poor

Flying high in the sky