une forme artistique de la folie

No one can hold you back, dear friends. As the ball rolls and goes downhill. I am Sisyphus  or so it goes up and down the hill every day. I push and push then relax and watch it all fall back down again. The curse of Olympus. They say a day to a God is like a thousand years. So maybe it is not all so dark after all. My stomach is empty again. I want to eat but it is not necessary so I can not do it. Not even out of boredom  And oh how bored I am. With my captivity, with my own hand of creativity  How much stuff can you really make anyway? Creation is my escape. My prison is my heart, given to the Marquis oh so long ago I can't remember when. Well I can but I will not say. I will just say this  and then everything. My journey is a long one the road is winding and it is quite beautiful really. But I always feel the most guilt about not eating. Like my secret diets are against the law. But what do I know, what I have forgot but I still know is the only law is  la résistance française. In that understanding I will log my intake until I can no longer take it or something really beautiful happens.

Yesterday I ate:
 one fresh salad with roman lettuce and fruit.
1 apple
2 strawberries

I drank:
1 cup of coconut water
2 cups of water

maybe I am too thirsty, never seem to get enough water.

Today I ate breakfast only:

one bowl of special k with soy milk (bowl unfinished as I speak). 

Ce une forme artistique de la folie.

Josalisa à une émeute

A little of this and the other

To say I was not trying to close a cipher would be untrue. So I will just say cipher complete. I grouped together a few things I felt I had to get done for the sake of my sanity. Like I realized somethings existed and I had to see if they were real so help me. And they are. I've been practicing what I will just call...Space Control. It requires complete isolated and concentration and then things really start to move. To you or for you or with you. Maybe it's with you. Being in alignment maybe means things and the universe move with you. Or maybe you move alongside it. In harmony with the whole...everything of life. It is quite beautiful. Being isolated and still you really see the reality of people. I've always looked at the world through rose colored glasses. I hate to admit that because it sounds like I am naive. I really am just trying to point out that I particularly enjoy seeing the best in people and situations. I believe in people and I have always felt that deep down we all have really good intentions. Naive, I know it. Yeah, so maybe there is a lot of us on the whole manipulation game. Because those few (who are many) have not figured out how to control...well it all and themselves. 
So in a way I have found what I was looking for. But I am still kind of checking it out. Just testing the waters of the realm of possibility or reality. How far can you step away from it? How much of it can one control herself? You know that whole thing and the lot. There is a lot to learn and even more to see, or interpret on this trip. I don't what to know it all just what will help me along the way. A step by step booklet to help me keep my game in check.  My dreams have been full of symbols I can not as of yet decipher. I don't care, all in due times as far as I am concerned. The point of this piece which is pointless is to say, I am at peace with the hologram. I have much joy and love to share, and as usual all is well in Heaven/Hell. 

I feel a great joy and curiosity. Making music has helped to calm me some. An outlet for my most ridiculous thoughts it has been indeed. I really do have a great amount of just funny and strange things floating around in my head. That is why I laugh so much I guess. Life is but a dream and this one is surly for the mad. Okay here is a poem:

In my time of sorrow I have joy

For the world keeps rotating and the sun 

Yeah it goes on burning so bright

As I close my eyes I dream of the brightest light

I want to be illuminated by my own heart

May it burn through my chest with love

 A beacon in the hearts of one and all 

I am just one woman here for the fall

I see it all especially when I close my eyes 

We all want to see God but never look inside

To the beauty that glows from within

The real me is in silence I try not to pity

The slick and the desperate

Not this time around

I still wear my broken crown for ceremony

I still sing the old songs for Harmony

I still know the greatest light shines for me

I am the Entity here for eternity

Or until I get bored with this dying rock

That really is just a spaceship

This is Josalisa in a RiOt. 

It's The Soul's Glow

I must do as I see fit every day no matter what.  I really have to remind myself that no one knows what is really happening around here. Wise man say, wise man say. But who really has the light? I am not facing duality. It's oneness with the entire hologram I am seeking. But am I not really seeking. No, I am just looking. Here for a closer observation of the planetary movement is all. I feel I have something to explain or whatever. But no I don't. Not anymore. It has all become very private in my mind. Like a chamber of secrets told only to the ones who speck the silent language.  I have seen so many lies in the last few months. Not lies that offend, but removal of illusions I suppose. People are freaking hilarious. We really paint this world for ourselves and some of us are a bit cry. Not creative awesome "That shit cray", but creepy kind of. Stranger in a strange land I am. I have to remember that. I have to remember. I have to see and to remember. That is my only duty. Do not waver from your own path dear one. There really is nothing out there. Only sheer beauty and love. The same that is within. My life is a dream come true. I sometimes feels strange about the way I live. Like there is something wrong with me. But is that not just ego, begging to have all of my attention? I am fine. I am radiating joy and I see the beauty in your eyes dear readers. People are so beautiful it makes me want to cry sometimes. I think we would all see it more if we would cover our faces. Our faces make us so ugly. They beg for attention and recognition. When the real beauty of a human is in the eyes. The soul's glow. Did I just make that term up? I don't know. I'm just saying we all seem to be too obsessed with ourselves. Not that any of you should be taking advice for me. I am obsessed with many things. Each of them dumber than the next. I do these things on purpose. Never forget I am an idiot and all. The dumbest girl in the land with the most text books at hand, and her beautiful face covered. For my own protection of course. I can not become obsessed with this vessel. I might miss something. Like the fact that so many people are full of shit. Bitters and liars the lot. And it makes me laugh so. I guess the clarity makes my soul glow. Today is already the best day of my life. I've written all about the previous ones so I know that is a fact. blah blah blah...Josalisa Riot, Live From Planet Girl On A Diet. 

Here's a poem or whatever:

I watch The Muppets and read old maps
that is where the treasure is at
the gold is in the mind
the goal is to become a mastermind
to be remembered here for all of time
like a beautiful ghost
on a dying spaceship
dancing for eternity
I see
I dream
I am
I be
now and forever not just a lady
But the Entity 

In Hope Of Greater Vision

If I understood more I know I would know less. There are few true Buddhas available. We surround ourselves with lies. Define ourselves with lies, and I in my sweet innocence,  Yes I live with a sense of sweet innocence  I myself feel confused by the lies. Like maybe there is more that I need to understand. But really all I need to do is separate the truth from the lies. You know like Liar Cat. You fucking liar. I was raised to believe truth could kill lies. But truth is not here to kill, just to remind. I feel this great need for adventure. The sorrow wakes me with the need to remember. This place right now, this moment is my great adventure. And it is going fantastic. I found my Star Family which maybe is not as easy as one may think it is. Not only have I found them, my great supporters and fellow dreamers. But I had the strength to expose myself to them. As a whole and as individuals. Baby steps to a dream come true it is indeed. They have embraced me, comforted me, and confirmed my belief that I am a true creator on my proper life path. The sorrow is here but so is the great sense of adventure. We have fallen together because we fit. Because I lived a single moment without fear and risked taking a look behind the curtain. I made sure what I felt was true. A real life conformation of the beauty that lies within art. Fuck man, thank you to the Universe for working perfect every single time. It is us who are out of alignment  It is us who have feared to live dreams. It is us who poison ourselves with fear and envy. This entire world is on our side. And guess what? There are no sides. There is only oneness with our Star Families and ourselves. I feel a great sorrow for the things and people I miss. But they are only gone for a small amount of time. and I have got a lot of living still to do. 

The greatest feeling I have had so far living in this human form (the only form I ever remember being in) is feeling the people I love embrace me. Knowing we can look one another in the eyes and feel the love. We are on the same path regardless of the levels of success each have attained. We are the great oneness and everything truly is illuminated. The light is not all there is but it is constantly there. I have to fight through the tears to find it far too often. But I feel like maybe I have my eyes closed too much for my own protection. Lucky my third eye is never closed it is there open always allowing the light to flood it. Like an old lover waiting patiently in the corner of my heart. The light warms me no matter what. I will become one of them now, which is to say I shall remain myself. I have some harsh critics but I see now those people are dying to be alive. Failing to be honest with the living. Which maybe is no real crime after all. What do we owe one another as fellow travelers? Maybe nothing. There is only alignment now. Easy to attain spiritual alignment. Like a puzzle piece just waiting to be clicked into place. Or a key just waiting to unlock a music box with a fragile dancing woman on top. This is my sweet lullaby. I really am an Angel surrounded by the wicked who know not their true form. This is my sorrow this time not just a poem, but some kind of explanation or confession to myself. I love you, True Believers. You wake and create, exhausted from giving it all the day before. I join you in this great commune of communication. As my ancestors have done before me.

Thank you for finding me, My Beautiful Loves. Thank you for seeing me. I felt I might drown before my madness which manifested itself as bravery took over. I reached out some cold night on a world famous sidewalk that is the only home I have ever had. And in that moment I told you all everything. Everything only you could understand. My love for you is a secret to some. Your love for me is published but only a few will ever understand. That is what this kind of secret is. It can be in plain sight and many can choose to ignore it. That is why it is a secret. An invisible understanding only those who truly understand can see. That is why I can tell you everything, Dear Readers. Because you all will not see. Truth is filtered, now itnit. Just like beauty. The stars shine , the sun comes up. People live and die and are taken away. But on this day I have survived. I am alive. I am free. This is my place of joy my sorrow lives next door. Fast friends we have all become. Joining as we have as one.

This is Josalisa in a very personal sort of RiOt.

The Madness Of Searching

Dear Diary

I have to get it out of me

What's in my head

The madness of searching

I've studied everything from Deuteronomy to Demonology

Friend to the eternal divine and the dead

I want to free my self from the land of constant human interests stories

I've taken spiritual inventory

I have to get it out of me

All theses things in my head

They wake me first thing in the morning

Hello world my thoughts are climbing out of bed

I'm starting to look more and more like a distant dream I had

I can hear it coming 

My spiritual life fulfillment

It's very funny and all too serious to dismiss

I've been tapped by him and his secret army

In remembrance of promises made before our arrival 

They call me back to the ship

In my dream I am here to just touch his lips

In my heart I am here to listen and learn

Follow the leader until it's my turn to scream 

I am experiencing temporary insanity

Separating myself from the liars 

Exercing my power over my own dreams or will

Words heal in poems and songs

All is a word

Bringing life into being

This is a magic spell

Written long ago with a very old quill 

If only I can remember it

I've been called this night or early morning 

Afraid to open my eyes and say it all

Looking back and discovering I told it all anyway

Some secrets are meant to be kept

For my own sanity I guess

Can't let them see your whole hand

That's how the cannibalism begins 

I'm in love with a beautiful phantom in the form of a man 

And this is a song disguised as a poem disguised as a mad woman's rant 

I want to give the power back but I can't

So I just sit silently creating violently

For the sake of my mortal soul

This is just another line in another tale 

These are the sounds which wake me 

I guess for now

Josalisa In a RIOt.  I wish I understood more but this is it. 

We Were Free (this was a dream)

In my dream it had all come true and it was beautiful. It wouldn't go away even though I tired my sabotage because it was love. It was bold and brave and confusing. It was like a long over due midnight confession. I lost it but it was only right next door. When I thought I had lost it all I found an old church lady and she let me borrow her God and we prayed. For it all not to be too late. And it wasn't. It was disturbed by others but you only thought of them as passing companions.  You searched for me in the sun and the ashes. Always looking for your A alike. We made music and art together. You were brave and tall and skinny. I had a big mouth and was curious and lacking trust.  He was adventures and too trusting. It was love and we had finally figured it all out. In a small town in my imagination. Where I knew everyone but had forgotten them all. Where my ancestors and old neighbors came to lend a helping hand to the divine plan. We were free and brave and talented. We trusted one another.  We gave it all to the thought. Together through it all and it was never too much to overcome. My hair was short and colorful. He was tall and he wore Fred Perry and suspenders. He was bald and was always on the go. Trusting us to believe in it all and we did. I had my doubts but you were always there and I never had to look too far. We had it all. And me I tried to run and you all would have never found me. But I recognized the grey and the lack of touch. So I turned around and waited outside the door for you. Waiting patiently using the power of group prayer. You liked old churches and he like airplanes. I liked to run away and leave it all in a note or some oil paining. I believed in them both so much and they knew who I was. We were meant to be and we knew it. We knew all that was meant to be and all that their ever was. We used art as a projection and made crystal balls out of poems we wrote all night. Our hearts were so bright and we were so loved by them all. Strangers in a strange land prepared for the fall. But not before we'd have it all. All that they say will never exists. Love of the not so jealous kind. Joy of the not so normal kind. We were circus freaks in our isolation we showed them everything. And not one soul ever turned away. We made them smile and embrace the unknown. We made the mysteries clear. We battled it all and won. They were so brave but I had much fear. So we made songs and art and love to pass the day. Never reaching the things that were outside of us. Because we knew that the separation was a lie. And all that was real was all that was here right now. So we became a traveling circus and in it I was the sad beautiful clown. And together we took our bravery from town to town. 

This was a dream and I am Josalisa...Live from Planet RiOt. 

I Remember What You Have Forgotten

Why do I take any of it? The poison I mean. I'm surrounded by wicked, fiends with sunken sockets. I hate it here, yet I won't blow it all to pieces. What is the point? Knowing I could close the door behind me and all of this would go away. Like a strange dream that would end if only I could remember I was dreaming. Just open your eyes dear girl. All that I've learned about the world is true. Magick works in theory and practice. So why do I remain, anywhere reachable? What is goodness if evil does not exists? Knowing who you are is the key to fighting this whole society rap. Staying that way is beating the real disease. As they go at you day after day. Last of the dying self righteous punk rockers shunned by the liars and thieves. Waiting alone in Diagon Alley for all the flat-scans to find a personality. So many people are on this finding themselves rap. How long does it take a person to accept who they are? A fucking lifetime I guess. While I wait on my island. Made of poems and songs. 

I have such joy caged inside my sadness. Such anger for the bitter masses. Dropping like flys behind brick walls made of plastic. I can see what people hide it's gets easier every year. My memory of this place is oh so clear. While most think like a tape, erased day after day. The real tragedy is that I am still here. I have not got on a plane to a place where I can not find a familiar face. I'm starting to feel eaten alive again. The watchers have turned into Parana again. What are we  really up to anyway? I could just disappear. Become a forgotten memory. A distant thought not quite close enough to gleam. That is my real dream. The tragedy is that I am still here. I don't have the false joy. Work is bullshit, giving ourselves to another for profit. Every place I've ever worked I've attempted to burn down. I won't smile at you for a fee. Might as well drown in creativity. New friends can not fill an old mind. I remember my entire life. How can I preform as the sad clown? Old friends lie in order to align themselves with the new. Still teetered to the past by the ones who remember like me. My psychic mind is a personal Shakespearean Tragedy. My love is as beautiful as a dying man. We live next to the wall they think we are dying in. We see the gates stormed daily by love ones and close friends. A phantom home despised by phantom personalities. We smile and dream and create. Risking it all in front of another. Losing it all to survive as lovers. The real tragedy is nothing is ever lost just discovered. Another memory to last forever, or so they say. But what if forever were today? 

I'd have to show them that I remember it all. Not only that, I have more than half of it written down. Is this a poem or a confession? I've forgotten the difference somehow. One day I will reveal it all. But no one will understand. It will bring a tear to the eyes of the deaf and mad. The pain that I survive is real. Eternity is here to remind me. The darkness is an option. Death is always sitting right here beside me. One day it will take my hand and lead me to the land of the lonely. Where the hopeful believe this world will all start again. Where I will close my eyes and not remember any of this. For the first time in years. 

Goodbye sorrow

Goodbye memory

Goodbye tears

Goodbye hope

Goodbye fears

Goodbye all the nothing I ever was.

Goodbye every dream I believed was real.

Nothing left to see here but the evidence. That I did exist. With my eyes opened. Give me any quiz. I remember it all. Like the last witness to all the pain there ever was. Sober except for all for all the drugs. 

This is Josalisa, Live from Planet RiOT.