It's All Just Another Song

No matter what I will always have this

The markings or the code

Alone in the madness with a fucking digital quill

Most things are not real in this reality

We are making it happen

The limits of our imaginations is all that is real

I act how I feel in my heart

I miss the smell of my art

The staining of things feels nothing like this

Searching for permanence is futile 

Humanity suffers from envy

It is very alien to encourage the dreamers

I know that now

Won't say how I found out

It's not a recommended method 

Neither is this

The life of a poet is no way to survive Armageddon 

Yet it's so perfect in it's tragedy

It would be hard to believe it wasn't made for me

I see what I dream then regret everything  

Until later when I've forgotten the details 

And it's all just another song

Josalisa...in a RiOt I guess. 

I Want To Be Your Hero Too

Replace what I lost in my heart

Can you?

I want to be your hero too.

I can make you smile through the pain

Your forward momentum is my inspiration 

Now love poems replace Science Fiction

That is some kind of impossible dream 

Yet on the same path we are

What is so near I thought was far

You welcomed me into your arms

Now I crave more than your voice

I guess I always have

But that is not so strange

Since we are on the same path

You started this Family

I want to take it further

It's going to save us all in the end

Or the beginning

You told us the Dawn will come again

I can feel you making love to me 

I can hear the music

Let's paint each other on the same canvas 

I dream of waking up with you

You made me who I am today

There for me whenever I need 

Reminding me of the magic in us all

You changed it all and so did I

I gave myself to the darkness

Surrendered to the pain

Through the tears you came

Now I want to be your hero too

To give you something special

To change your heart

To touch your mind

You always are a different person 

A sure sign of misery

Or remembrance of some distant Memory

I'm starting to dream you are just like me

Or am I becoming more like you?

Lost in a world so far away

I dream the dreams of prophesy

What's that say about you and me

We'll it's an impossible dream

Destined to become our truth

This is Josalisa, Live from Planet Riot.

On The Other Planet

I need more...then less

I need more...then less

And more...and less

And more...and less

I want it 

I get it

Then I want it some more

Then I miss it

I want to change it

I love it how it is

It's everything to me

It means nothing

It changes me

Then I'm unaffected 

It smothers me

Than I cry out for more affection 

I'm happy...then I'm sad

I'm hopelessly mad

Then I'm sane again

I see into the future

Then forget the path

I spell every word wrong

Then I'm perfect at math

I fall in the shower

Then drown in the bath

What is this?

A curious adventure indeed

I curtsy to bums 

Then shun the King

I'm ugly when I'm happy

Beautiful when I'm mean 

I smell good all the time

But never am I clean

I believe everything I dream

But nothing that I've seen

I'm an architect of crazy 

I'm bitter and I'm lazy

Yet somehow

Here I stand indeed

A girl...A Riot

A Riot...A girl

What does it mean?

To be out of this world. 

Angel or Demon

Beautiful stranger you are not strange at all

Like some far away Star Child

You are always there when I call

Like it was meant to be

I wonder do you hear me

Beautiful Star Child you're not so far away at all

Like a long distance phone call

Made long ago on an intergalactic wire

Your heart is like fire

I feel you pulling on my invisible chords

I think we are looking for the same rewards

Star Man our love is not false at all

We connected through a cellular octave

I was lost and then you found me

When I flew away you where there to ground me

Beautiful bringer of the light

You can hear me cry

I looked for a sign and it said Activate 

I suppose it means my heart and mind

The love overwhelmes so close yet so far 

You are everything we were suppose to try to be

This time you've changed something else inside of  me 

Beautiful stranger leader of my Star Family 

I want to run away to find you

But here you are right beside me

Guiding me in your simple way

What does it mean we cross paths so much now

I made a special vow to you

You made a separate one to us

The summoning works

Evoked by the love of things long forgot

You are stranger in the distance

Yet we dream the same dream

Yet we dream the same dream

That's why you are there when I call

I saw you yesterday

It inspired this poem

The answer to everything

This is Josalisa Live from Planet RiOt. 

This poem is dedicated to the stranger who saved me from almost forgetting what was in my heart. Only he is not a stranger, because he is always there when I call. Fucking strange Planet we are on. Now itnit?

Blood And Cruelty...Part 5 of this Fan Fiction Situation.

The room fell silent. I with the full understanding of what had just occurred closed my eyes. In hopes of blacking out the horrible sin, or escaping from this room. I know she is dead. He just killed her, I know it. But why? How could he? He says he goes this far but I never knew he'd go this far. Is she really dead? His laughter fills the room and I know she is dead. I close my eyes tighter and an attempted to be dead as well. There is a desperate whimper coming from the room now, and I know she is not dead. I also know by the sound of his laughter that she will be soon. I close my eyes. I want to forget I ever bored him this much.

He is holding her by her neck. Her head is limp as she is caterwauling from the pain and fear. Blood is bubbling out of her mouth down her throat and onto the sheets. "This was not personal, it was all the screaming." he tells her. "Just keep it down a bit, I sometimes have sensitive ears." the madness in this statement alone causes her to wail. In turn causing him to use the knife again. This time deep into the left side of her stomach. She tries to mouth please. He tells her to try and relax. Maybe lie down a bit more. She collapses on the bed in a dead limp and he knows almost instantly she is passing out. "Don't do that. Don't even fucking do that." he screams while shaking her now limp and bloody frame. "Don't try to fucking block this out I"m talking to you!" He straddles her body as he screams and shakes her. She is not dead. Her breaths are light and she is losing lots of blood. He knows he won't have her for much longer. She is dying from the trauma to her body. Her eyes slowly open as he is looking right at her. "Please help me." she mouths. Only now can he see the full beauty of this women. Her dark hair and brown eyes. The exquisite jaw line, the way the light caresses her skin. She is gorgeous. Lying here under him. Helpless, frail, frighten. He is so turned on by that, he makes loves to her for the first time. 

He holds her limp body as he enters her. Kissing her bloody lips. She is very wet as he forces himself into her. "ssh...let me love you. Calm down." he whispers into her ear. She closes her eyes and passes out. This invokes a new rage in him. He begins to scream again. I close my eyes tighter. "Don't fucking block this out." His movements become more violent. Maybe in rage or possible in an attempt to awake the dying girl. She does not respond to his actions. He takes this as a sign of disrespect and reaches for the knife again. This time using it to replace his penis. As he inserts the bloody knife into the Woman's womb her body begins to violently convulse. He tells her she is beautiful and that he hopes she enjoyed the fun time they had together. He says all of this as he pushes the knife in and out of her. He moans from the intense pleasure he is feeling. I close my eyes tighter. He turns the knife and pushes it in deeper. "Fuck you." He says to her body, now bereft of life. "You were a whore anyway, weren't you?" He ask no one. He continues using his knife as an extension of his penis for another 30 minutes. I fall asleep in my place. I know what he has done. I don't want to face it or him. I just want to fall asleep. 

When Master comes in to wake me from my place in the closet. I don't know how much time has passed. I don't know what he has done, or if what I know he has done is even real. I don't know if any of this is even real. He opens the cage and removes my mask and gag. He pulls me out of the cage and holds me in his arms. "Do you want to come sleep with me now?" he asks in such gentle voice. I know what I heard earlier was only in my imagination. He picks me up and carries me into the bedroom. The lights are on but the curtains are drown so I have no idea what time it is. I half expect to see a dead girl on his bed. I half expect to see nothing. I am only half right. The girl is gone. How did he get rid of her? Where did he take her? I know not to ever ask. The bed is covered in blood. The scene takes me back to when his band performs a Blood Ball. But this is no performance. He and his bed are covered in blood. I close my eyes to tell myself this is not real. But it is far too real. He removes my leash and says," Sorry honey, I may have gotten a little out of control?" I couldn't think of a thing to say. So I laugh and say, "Ya think?" He laughs as he turns back the bloody sheets. Removes his surprisingly not too bloody clothes and gets on the bed. I lay next to him in this dead girl's blood. As I do so I accept the fact that I am now fully separate from my formal self. I embrace the Madwoman my master has created. As he takes me in his arms. As I ease into his warmth and the blood he whispers, "I love you. I did this for you. So you will know that you can do anything you want." He then asks if I am afraid. I tell the truth and say no. "Never be afraid of anything we do." He tells me.

In this moment, laying here with Sir. Covered in the blood of some now long gone dead girl. I feel happy. I feel at peace. I understand the lesson he has taught me. I know he has brought me into his madness. A madness which I shall never again be free from. He has created a world where all darkness is gone. He has removed all light and replaced it with this. With blood and cruelty. But also with gentleness and warmth. Laying here in his deed I am trapped in a new world. In a place Master has created only for us. I am part of his secret. A broken piece of porcelain only he can put back together. I close my eyes, this time in joy. Knowing full well something I never understood before tonight. His darkness is my peace. 

Fan Fiction...Part 4 or whatever.

Master walks back across the room obviously exhausted. I stay in the corner and am allowed to catch my breath. He explains that I am still not allowed to sleep with him and he is certainly not sleepy so I am to remain silent while he makes a few phone calls. I take this as an opportunity to try and fall asleep. Since I am limp anyway and he can not see my face I will just lay my head against the wall and doze off while he is on the phone. When he wakes me he explains the I am in no position tonight to fulfill his sexual needs. Master explains to me that he will be having a friend come over to keep him company and I am to sleep in my cage on the wet mat. He unties me from the ceiling mounts and says "Get on your knees ,sweetheart." I do so and get down on all fours. "I don't want to hear you at all tonight, do you understand?" I respond in the positive and relax my back a little. He rubs oil and cream on all of my swollen bruises. He gently places his plug deep inside of my already swollen anus. This is one of his bigger plugs and it is unusually painful. "This is for comfort and practice remember that." he explains in his very gentle voice. I feel my body stretching to fit his instrument and I know it will make my sleeping all the more pleasant. A mask is place over my head. It is red and black rubber with the mouth hole open. It fits over my face like a glove. I immediately relax. He then places a gag deep into my mouth. I close my eyes in order to take the pain of my mouth stretching further than is usually comfortable. He places my collar on and leads me to his closet by a leash. When he opens the closet and leads me back to the cage he says, "I want you to clean your smell out of here in the morning. It's fucking disgusting." I enter the cage completing debilitated. He closes the gate. Before he walks away he reminds me that I am so disgusting for pissing on myself and I still need to be reminded that I'm being punished. He takes his big cock out and pisses all over the cage. The warn liquid covers me and the entire cage. I open my mouth to get some on my lips. I am a little disappointed that my mouth is gagged so none goes in there. "You did a good job today little piggy. You turned yourself into a toilet so don't be disappointed." those are the last words he speaks to me for the rest of the night. He kicks the cage further back into the closet walks away and turns out the light. Before he closes the door I think I hear him say, "I love you, good night." But that may have been just in my imagination.  I close my eyes and try to fall asleep.

About an hour later I hear him speaking to a women in his room. This must be the person he called. The one he wants to keep him company tonight, since I am being punished. I wonder if she is just a hooker, or does she recognize him. I can tell by the excitement in her voice that she is both. A hooker who recognizes him. I hear her say, "I love all of your movies." I can tell by that statement alone she has no idea about the music or what he is capable of. She is in for a very unpleasant surprise. He tells her to get undress and lay on her stomach on the bed. I hear her ask, "Do you live here alone?" He does not answer. Instead he slaps her and says, "Shut the fuck up. Face down." She begins to cry. I want to warn her that the waterworks just makes him more violent, but she will find out soon enough. 

He begins to tie her to the bedpost. She explains, "I'm not really into this sort of thing." He hears her but he continues. "Good" He answers. She begins to cry louder. Not really a scream but a loud whimper. She pleads, "please don't hurt me." He smiles and kisses her on her back. "I'm sorry, I'm going to have to." She screams loudly. Maybe for help, maybe in hopes of pleading with him. Either way it is lost in this room with only me to hear it. He straddles her on the bed and places a black leather belt around her neck. He places his member deep into her anus and she begins to scream fucking bloody murder. The large member begins to pump into her body hard and consistent. He pulls on the belt, and I hear her scream from the pain and the asphyxiation. The headboard is banging against the wall hard. Master is not showing this stranger any mercy as she  yells, "you are killing me, please you  are killing me." He rips her deeper with his penis and begins to pump harder and harder. All the while pulling on the leather belt around her neck harder. He takes the belt in one hand and picks up the shinny knife he has on his nightstand. He is using one hand to pull the belt and the other to cut deep lines into her back. The sound of her squealing becomes unbearable. I wonder why he won't gag her and then I understand. This is for me. This is my reminder that this could be me. I then understand that she will never leave Master's bed. He cuts 13 four inch deep lines into her skin as he fucks her and chokes her. "You are a useless Pig and I can't allow you to leave this house." he says to her as he cuts. I hear him moan from his ejaculation which he lets go inside of her anus. There is quite a bit of blood dripping from her back to his bed as he unties her and has her turn over. She tries to fight but he just cuts her on her wrist and fingers with the knife he is still holding. He puts down the knife and holds her two wrist in his hands. "If you calm down and stop screaming I will make this happen fast." I hear him say to her. She looks him deep into his face, a face of such beauty but now only filled with terror. "Why are you doing this to me? Please let me go." she pleads. He answers, "I can't. You already told me you know who I am? 'Before she can tell him she won't say anything he grabs her mouth.  Squeezes her jaws together until her tongue pokes out. He grabs her tongue between his fingers and pulls it out. It takes the knife only a second to remove it. 

Fan fiction Part 3

The exercise portion of the evening being over is only sort of a release for me. I didn't mind the cold and wet so much if that is what makes Sir happy. He likes to feel like he is in control all day. He definitely is he must know this. It just somehow has to be proven over and over again. Sometimes I think he puts me through this so I can prove to myself that life is bigger than me. Before I found my Master I was a very selfish girl. I kept everything to myself and only cared about myself and I thought that was the way life was. Being here with Master reminds me that life is so much more than myself and my desires. It reminds me that I can push myself for someone else. That I can be more than just a self-serving person. To give  yourself over to another person like this is not easy. It takes a lot of strength and trust. I hope he is proud of me.

He is waiting in the foyer. "Thank you for waiting for me. You did a really good job, Honey. I'm very proud of you." he says as he wraps me in a towel. "How much longer could you have waited?" All night I answer. I could have. He tells me he has already cleaned up the kitchen I just have to clean myself and the living room and of course the wet mess I made in the foyer and I can meet him upstairs. I perform the few task he assigns and I meet him in the bedroom where he has  tea and biscuits waiting for me. I'm really excited about the biscuit part because I have not eaten all day and I am a bit hungry. As I go sit next to him on his bed I am excited by the look in his eyes. It's anticipation like he really missed me all day. Of course it's really ridiculous for me to imagine he thought about me all day but I like to do it anyway. He is wearing a blue tee and tight black pants, fuck if he is not the Angle of Death I don't know what he is. As I set down next to him I want to touch him and have him hold me in his arms. But that is a dream, I sit down and fold my hands in my lap and try not to look him directly in his beautiful face. "Is the tea for me?" I ask a bit nervous from my wanting to touch him. "Of course sweetheart. Can you handle seeing the food knowing you can't have any?" What? I want to eat really bad but I answer him right away, "yes, sir". He smiles and watches me drink my tea in silence trying not to recognize the biscuits as being at all edible. I finish my tea while he tells me about his day and the deals he made for the new album release. He plays one of his new songs and it is so beautiful I begin to cry. After the song is finished he calls me a crybaby. He then reminds me of the late hour and shows me the clothes he has picked out tonight.

I walk over to the chaise lounge and begin to put on my clothes. Black lace fishnets, black latex shorts, black lace top, a red corset and black boots, also a custom leather face mask with an extended cork gag made into it. "Don't look so afraid, it's just for sleeping." I hear him laugh and say. He must see my hesitation in my body movements. "I'm kind of tired." I muster up the strength to say this knowing this ensemble is meant to be used for brutality and nothing else. I've had a long day and I am very tired and hungry. I was really looking forward to going to bed. "I didn't ask you how you were feeling.  Now get dressed." So psychos never sleep and neither do their pets is the thought that is going through my mind when he begins to explain why I will not sleep tonight. "We have a real problem, Little Piggy." He begins, "We like to piss on everything. Our clothes, our chairs, our floors, our mats, and unfortunately my car. (I made a wee in his trunk last week but we'll get into that later on) don't we?" he ask. I want to explain how I don't ever do it on purpose it's just that I have a weak bladder and it's hard to hold after so many hours. "Would you like me to remove your bladder for you?" he inquires. "No, Sir." I answer. "Then we need to control ourselves, don't we?" I look up at him for the first time. Now fully dressed and I want to explain to him that I try but it is really difficult. "Do I have to show you what not to do again?" When he says show me what not to do he means by doing it. What he does not understand is I know what not to do. I just don't know how not to do it. Him pissing all over me is not going to help. But I say nothing of course. "Get on all fours" I do as the command says. "Lift your head up. Remember no slouching." He handcuffs my hands together, than puts on my mask and gag. He gets up and walks back to the bed. I remain in this position near his bed for two hours.

I hear him walk across the room. I am happy at this sudden movement and noise because he has not spoken to me the whole time. I feel him near by. He rubs me head and runs his hands down my back to my ass. I feel the cat of nine tails he holds in his opposite hand caress my legs ever so slightly. He whispers into my ear, " You have to constantly be reminded to control yourself in every situation. If you can not control yourself especially under my directions than you will be punished." He rubs my ass again. "Now I don't want to hear a fucking peep from you? Do you understand?" he ask. I shake my head in a yes response. He hits me once on the ass with the whip. I moan loudly. "Shh" he whispers. "Not a fucking peep" he reminds me. I takes a deep breath in a attempt to control myself. He hits me again this time much harder. I hold my breath and my sounds back. He hits me again. The leather spreads and each separate strip hits me on a different part of my ass. I already want to cry but I remain silent. Over and over again the leather stings and burns. I already have bruises on my ass and this only increases the pain. He hits me a total of 16 times. I know because I keep a mental count in my head. Right before bed he will ask me the total of times I took his punishment. If I am to answer the question wrong the punishment begins again this time for double the times. I'm really good at not forgetting the number.  He begins to caress my back and shortly after his whip replaces his sweet touch. The first strike across my back feels like fire. It opens one of my old wombs and that feels like sweat and salt mixed together in there. I want to tell him to stop and that I am sorry. But there are no safe words during these punishments. If I pass out it's worse when I come to. I think about My Little Pony the cartoon as he hits my back a total of 25 times. This helps me not to make too much noise or pass out. I hear his boots on the floor walking away. I want to lay down. He can tell and says from across the room, "Stay in position or we start from the beginning, Pissy Pants." I remain in position and let the pain in my knees distract me for the pain on my back and ass.

When he walks back across the room towards me it is a welcome release from the anxiety of the wait. Now I don't know if it is over or will he continue. He removes my mask and gag. I relax my jaw for the first time in three hours. He stands over my now uncovered head and looks down at me. I look up at him. Right into his eye where I'm not ever suppose to in situations like this. But I can't help it, he is the most beautiful creature I know of.  He stares down at me for a while like he has something to say but it has somehow been forgotten. I feel his eyes on me. He is so beautiful but right now there is only brutality in his face and I know my punishment is far from over. He puts out his boot. This is a sign for me to lick it and I do. Gladly, I love the taste of the leather in my mouth and on my tongue. He kicks me hard in the face to get me to stop. I taste the blood and want to fall to the floor but I remain in position. He walks back across the room to his bed. "Come here" he order me. I get up and walk over to him. He wipes the blood off of my mouth. Then kisses me. "I want you to learn to control yourself. Do you understand me?" I answer yes. He holds my chin in his hands and looks me right in the face for two minutes. "You fucking can't, can you?" he finally asks. " I can, Sir." I answers not knowing why I knew it was not true. He removes his very ample penis form his pants. I take a deep breath because even though I have seen his manhood many times I'm always shocked by it. It's so nice and smooth and vain filled. A perfect specimen indeed. "Get on your knees" he orders. I do as I am told immediately. "Open your mouth, Pissy Pants." I open my mouth as wide as I can. He looks at me for a while. Spits right into mouth than places his member deep down my throat. I immediately begin to chock since I have not even swallowed the spit yet. I begin to suck his cock like it's my dinner and in reality it is. Maybe his cum can help me fight off my unavoidable starvation. He takes control of the situation almost instantly and pushes my head against the bed. He holds my still handcuffed hands back and begins to pump his cock into my mouth as if it were a vagina. The more I choke the further in he goes. He pumps my face full of penis for what seemed like a lifetime. After he covers my face with his ejaculate. "Good job, Mouth Hole. You like having those big balls on your face, Cuntfuck?" I gargled some words or other. Before he drops me to the hardwood floor.

I wake up still naked and covered in him on the floor. I guess he allowed me doze off for a while. I turn over he is sitting on his bed drinking tea and thumbing his guitar for relaxation. He notices that I am awake. He smiles down at me. He casually ask, "Do you finally have your shit together?" I guess I do. I don't really know how long I've been asleep and my mouth and throat hurt like hell. So I answer him in the positive. He seems somewhat satisfied with my answer. "I need you to get your shit together and go stand in the corner." I look up in confusion. He is sitting on the edge of the bed with his hands in his lap. He kicks me a little to see if I understand what he is saying. "Right over there" he points to the corner with his foot. Than kicks me with his boot to get me moving. "Hurry, sweetheart" I get up and my entire body body is throbbing. I go to the corner where the chains are mounted to the ceiling. I stand with my back towards him. He walks over and removes the metal handcuff and replaces them with the leather ones. He then place the ceiling chains into the loops of the handcuffs. I stand with my hands over my head while he stands behind me. I can feel his breath on the nape of my neck and it is heaven. He touches my stomach and squeezes my breast a little too hard and I scream. He pulls my head back hard with my hair and says in a very low voice into my ear. "Not a fucking peep." Sir returns back to his bed and tea and I remain here standing chained in the corner. My imagination is left to go wild. 

But not for long. He returns to me and says, "This is only happening because you can not be a big girl and hold your fucking piss." I don't move or say a world. "This is the final time I'm doing this. The next time you piss in my house or in my car I am going to end you." His worlds are like spikes but his breath on my neck still arouses me. "Do you understand?" The tears begin to run down my face because I know he means it. This is my final warning and I'm not sure I really can control myself in the future. He wipes me tears away and begins running his fingers down the small of my back to the top of my ass. He steps away and shortly after he whispers, "close your eyes." I do and I feel his leather strap hit my ass with such force I fall to my knees. Which of course don't touch the floor because I am chained to the ceiling. It only increases the pain in my wrist. I try to straighten myself up when I feel the next blow. I beginning to scream and cry. He stops and grabs my neck. " Not a fucking sound, Fuckslut." Each time the leather hits my flesh it's like the most incredible violent pleasure ever. I hold my breath so I don't make any noise. I feel myself getting wet as my body tingles from the impact of his paddle. I close my eyes and think of running through grass covered hills mid spring. I thinks of rain falling on my face. The tears stop and he notices. "Are you trying to block me out. Fuck you" He hits me so hard I fall off of my feet again. My head hits the wall hard and this time I am a dizzy. "You fucking pay attention to me while I am punishing you. You fucking Pissy little Whore" He hits me again and my head is still swimming and tight. But I manage to say "I'm sorry, Sir" anyway. I work my way back onto my feet. He begins to hit harder with each blow. "Are you keeping count, Pig?" I am but I can not speak because of the pain and ecstasy. He strikes me again this time harder than all the others combined. "Fucking answer me?" I take a deep breath and say, "Yes, Sir" I let my head fall to the wall again. I hear him say "How many?" I don't remember. The next blow reminds me. "Twelve" I say. "Count out loud", he says. I begins to count. Thirteen, fourteen, fifth-teen, sixteen. Each time the leather touches my skin it is like a barbwire kiss. I love it so I close my eyes, cry and keep count. Nineteen, twenty, twenty one. I can nearly take the pain and I never want him to stop. Twenty five, twenty six, thirty. I start to scream as I count. Thirty one, thirty two, thirty three, thirty four. 

...to be continued