Last Message Befroe Dying, By Us...The Dumb and Wayward

Only the lonely masked as hommies
Die the death of the wicked
Breath the breathe of the cold
They ignorance inflected on the gifted
I'm a black widow spider
Ya'll bitches just hoes with no niggas beside ya
As I retreat to my grief
All your absences a relief
Knowing that you are destined for an eternal sleep
With a mythological beast
You think you can ignore or choose not to believe in

- Last message before dying
by us....The Dumb and Wayward

I've always wanted the robots

I've always known I'd be this
Dark knight
Dark Queen
Dark Mistress
Predestined to stress
distracted by daily fights with Koopa Troopas
my generation race and gender are all frowned upon
but so are yours
fucking historical bores
I shave my head
pierce my ears and enjoy the taste of metal
the feel of the coldness
you let Reagan offer me
then frown at us because we reach for the gifts from the Japaneses
lusting over silicon created for the body
and the thoughts generated from the minds in the valley
I never wanted to play in the grass or the dirt
I've always wanted the robots

Like For Real.

In my imagintion none of this is real it has no bearing. It's just not real. Everything, all of it. I mean the whole lot.

A Pendulum InThe Darkness

In one sense I am an emotional wreck. You know maybe some people may sense that from outward appearances, or prolonged exposure. What I really sense is a kind of heighten awareness. Like I can see the future, it is here, and bright as fuck. I wonder what it all really means. Am I some kind of modern day soothsayer? Why do I have such heighten sensitivity? I feel like my destiny is calling...really freaking loud. So I'll make the stuff, and say the stuff, and color it all for ya. Because today is a day just like all the others. Only it's different. Better, braver, more unquestioning. I will not deny my inner spirit. Even though I'm not sure what will come for all my work, which the lames never realize is work, or hard at that. To share yourself, to find the words to describe what it is that is going on in your little corner of the universe. To remain steadfast in your creative vision, even if that vision takes decades to sharpen, and tons of books, and typing the average Americans truly isn't prepared for. I'll say it, spray it, and play it for life. May the Hip Hop, and Rock n Roll Gods respectively shine down on me. And bless me with continued bad-assary, and bravery in the face of all that are blind to, or would want to poison me. This is my life's mission, somewhat clear but most of all consistent.

Josalisa, I spread madness of the most blinding type to the universe, through an ethernet cable.

Wish me luck, or at the very least pray for me. This world is too cruel and I find joy in all the darkest places it seems to want to hide. I am a lamp, and I am swinging like a pendulum in the darkness of space.

My Daydream

In the boredom that is my daily life. It's basic but I'm over it as usual. I know things are going my way which is beautiful. I don't even really have any complaints right now. I guess I just would like to go on some kind of vacation or something. You know go across the pond, that sort of thing. Maybe I just need to be thankful. I know I'm there for my friends, and family. At the very least I am chalking up tones of good karma. Blah,blah,blah, I'm out. I'm eating a massive pice of cheesecake though I have too many body image issues to even list here.

Social Phobias & the spelll check option for all.

So everyday I get a littler richer, which is just the manifestation of all the suffering, and faith I've been living with. Now that I have a decent amount of dough I feel a little more comfortable in the public sphere. I also have to admit that my home life has improved some also. I mean my home life basically consist of me in my room watching loads of telly then blogging about it. Or going on short adventures, and then blogging about it. I sometimes find my digital life more comforting. Not really more comforting, but easier to deal with. Probably because the feedback is optional, unlike my home life where the feedback is constant, and unwarranted. I guess it's always getting better...you know the whole show of reality. I can't say that I won't have a panic attack while waiting for my therapist in her overcrowded office, like I did earlier in the week. All I can say is that I'll except it as just being the way I am. The more I except myself no matter what, the more creative I can be. Also I can be more comfortable during my silent,and down time. Which often takes place while in a highly social situation. I guess some people get offended when a girl doesn't want to be considerably social. However these are more than likely the same group of people who enjoy doing most of the activities I find unbearable. So maybe the universe just balances all this stuff out. Introverts over here...extroverts over there...madmen to the back...punk rock for the lot.

Who needs a daily re-cap?

What's more annoying than having a great day alone, and than having to explain why? To me one of the most important things is to have the freedom to spend my time how a want it. It's like if that is challenged in any way. I just get really pissed off. The world is annoying enough without having to explaining your every move. I mean I feel bizarre enough. Who really needs a daily re-cap,anyway?

It would be a lot simpler if everyone just...you know I don't know to make things easier. I just know my personal time is my own. Just because I am a woman I don't need to be protected form myself every minute of the day. Ugh....
too much..