close to my life time

there is a point in my life I am waiting to reach
like my true life has not began
to contemplate this disgust me somehow
the fact that I know every moment should be joyful
but it's not
How do I know it it's supposed to be joyful
I just think I do
All I really know is what I think
far to deep in my own imagination
with flashes of all of them
how far away from all of this can I get
I used to want to be an astronaut
now I'm calling all cosmonauts
the countdown has began
7654321.....