A Prayer For The Living Dead.

It's all a great mystery, but I understand it. How to really survive on a living Planet. Most days I feel just surrounded by emotional enemies. But then I step back and remember they are all me. There really is no they only us times infinity. With this understanding it's not all that bad. I mean what it really means is that everyone is one being, one hive mind. So if I don't like someone, or something I just have to change my mind and that person will change, or disappear from my life. It's strange how many people just disappear. Like you can be just in love with someone's presence. Feel an actual disturbance in your own presence, attempt to change yourself and people disappear. Like they were just a manifestation of the fuck up state of mind you once were in. It is quite fascinating the experiment. This existence. I constantly question why humans behave the way they do. Like why do people feel the need to reinvent themselves? Is it because they fear what they have become? Some of us have become such little fucking emotional monsters. What I have become, this beautiful Madwoman. This chaser of dreams and creator of worlds. I love it. It's what I came here for. I am very interested to see what other elements I can consciously control. I really feel I have become more powerful. Within myself and on the globe. How much can I control? What is really outside my scope of power? What if nothing was, what would I do with such an understanding. Become a Hermit, a Dancing Madman. Or just this, a woman with the ability to see. I kind of want to touch everything. But I am afraid of that desire. Like what will I see? Will this world overwhelm me? But then I think that is what we are here for. We live, we get overwhelmed, and eventually this Planet extinguishes us. To become what? More of this, Star Stuff. I can feel it all within my heart. It feels big and yet so small and delicate. Like we all are. It's a lonely Planet within a Lonely Universe, surrounded by endless possibility. So much is within my grasp I often close my eyes because the weight of it hurts. I've made it this far, dragging my optimism. Really loving and understanding love is a gift. Most use and manipulate until they are exhausted. What if we all just loved and reflected love? No wonder the world is full of tired angry people. Hate must be fucking exhausting. It's the end of the world as we know it. But how could we ever know it. So many don't want to go on. What a time to be alive as the population prays for a quick death. I pray for a long conversation with my own death. My familiar friend who offers me guidance through the darkness. And keeps me separated from the mad dogs of this existence. Good bye to the ones who have become something else. Hello to the beauty that only comes from within.... I am Josalisa and this is part of my Riot.

Empty Thoughts To Fill Empty Space.

I know I'm not the same person, I'm stronger now. In my madness. I understand it now from back here, in my own comfort. It's lonely out there, we group together for the sorrow breaks our hearts. We lie out of fear. The stupid are so arrogant they surround us all with jealously. The fucking great destroyer if you ask me. I feel better now, with the magic available at my fingertips. To consciously create my reality. Knowing Spider has always been there and is really the one responsible for my life now. He lead me to this. Freedom of expression. Freedom of regression. To a time where it was all divine. Like now. In the still of the morning, where it is all possible. Where it is just now being created. The preverbal mountain top that I jump off everyday. This magic works. This writing down, or painting of things. This creation of new sounds that explain it all ever so clearly. To them maybe, but it's really all for me. A record of the event of this life. The results of these social experiments I'm semi-invested in. What is the purpose of all of this wondering and figuring? If life is really the great equation, should we all be in pursuit of the answer? Or is that more of the madness? Are we to see the equation as a beautiful unsolvable spectacle? Should we be inspired to write our own? So many questions. And the answer is always the same. Go out there, leave this city. Explore the vastness. Never believe any of it to be real. It's all just empty space coming into creation. A little confusing, new but absolutely perfect. And that's how I see it. I'm close but yet so far away. From the others, from truly seeing it all as it really is. The Earth, this life. To me it's all exploration and fascination. Joy and dreaming. But for some, it is all emotion. That is the nature of existence. Emotion. Most are only fueled by it. The ones like us, fueled with imagination, we are the seekers of wisdom and the true leaders of this Brave New World. Here to offer love, but most importantly and this is the part I always forget. We are here for personal joy and a great life of fulfillment. No matter what. So here's to never having to figure them out. Here's to Black Magic songs and powers. Here's to Sigils and comic books. Here's to my dreams becoming art and that art becoming my reality. But most important of all. Here's to remembering why I came here in the first place. To enjoy this great adventure. And to document as much of it as I can. For I am a bleeding journalist. And these are my confessions. Live From Spaceship Earth. I am Josalisa and this is part of my RiOt.

This was a dream.

I just awoke from this dream that was heavy with symbolism. I was offered a job by a dream personality. I did not recognize her, however she told me it was the third interview. She was looking for an assistant. She had a Conner office on the top floor. It was totally glass and shaped like a pyramid or elongated hyper-cube turned into a pyramid. Later on I was at lunch with my Mother and and a dream personality. We were in my dream beach community (this is a recurring place) we were eating lunch. The dream personality asked me to return her food to the chef because it was burnt or whatever. I reluctantly did. The chef said he could not return her money. But he gave me a handful of salt to rub in my hands, I threw some of it over my shoulder. I asked if it was voodoo. He handed me a rock and said I could not have touched it without the salt first. It was glass and shaped like a small octopus. It had a blue eye in the middle. Sort of like the thing that wards off the evil eye. There were three people behind me in line during this transaction. They felt the glass rock/marble/crystal was a special gift.

A mastermind with a unrested mind/digesting thoughts/geek is my sub culture/that's why I watch cartoons and documentaries alone in a room at night/ with the 3rd one sleeping beside me/I'm ashamed of how my insomnia makes him drowsy/I'm a horrid girlfriend/who can fall in love with a cyber punk/I think it's all a dream some fool made up/shinning brighly alive but I've been dead since the last time the world ended

This Digital Void

This virtual void...as we exist through math...manipulation of the code becomes an essential survival skill...being fed images...feeding yourself words and songs...what is a Hacker anyway if she is not the digital revolution we forgot we needed... meat-space is all but lost...now every thought coincides with an advertisement...we once were humans...now only energy for greedy robots...dancing with A.I. on the tip of a pill box...where is my soapbox you say...it's in cyberspace...where nothing exist and all is but completely lost in the void.

My Heart Is An Astronaut.

I dream of stars and space. I dream of the future. I suffer from the past. I have more questions about the present than one could ever ask.

I miss my boyfriend.

I mean he is really kind and loving. When he is not here I miss him a bunch. You know, breaking my heart and the lot.