It shouldn't bother me, but I can't look pass when people focus on some dumb shit when real shit is going down. I live through a lot of unnecessary energies. I guess they must be there as a sort of lesson, or guide for future ideas, or accomplishments. But sometimes I just really wonder. Why do I have to see some of the things made clear to me in this life? I don't know if I really feel stagnated, or helpless to change many situations. I want to help people, and help myself in this life adventure. But sometimes I really wonder if that is even what I need to be doing. I know when I focus on my own life things work out a lot better for me. I feel more peace, and joy flow into me. I am also able to see what I can do to assist my fellow man, friends, or family (if anything) better when I try to change the way I view the world. I know I have a purpose in many situations. I just want to stay focused on that, and master my arts, and mathematics. So I can make the world a better place. Here's a poem:
This One Thing Can Never Be Moved
so I feel the joy inside
that makes me write
it's my little miracle
I can overcome the obstacles
'cause I know there are none
I learned that from the Matrix
my words are my weapon
I am a digital assassin
number 20121615
I really believe I have a fair shot
at winning this war that is yet to begin
so many faces of sadness
yet I wear a grin
it's called personal madness
creative sanity fighting through the worlds lack of humanity
with one weapon
the mind
and a vivid understanding of this place, and time
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Sunday, September 6, 2009
I see Everything. And it's too bright.
In light I dream
At night I write
Trying to balance something
All is not right
I am the beginning of everything
The end is close at sight
I feel the world's joy, and suffering
But now only through my eyes
At some point I thought to make it right
Now I know my power source is for more
Like dreams in the night tell more
The world is a mystery
A puzzled laid out for me
Will I ever solve it?
Will that be my demise?
I write these words with hope
That one day they will help me close my eyes
At night I write
Trying to balance something
All is not right
I am the beginning of everything
The end is close at sight
I feel the world's joy, and suffering
But now only through my eyes
At some point I thought to make it right
Now I know my power source is for more
Like dreams in the night tell more
The world is a mystery
A puzzled laid out for me
Will I ever solve it?
Will that be my demise?
I write these words with hope
That one day they will help me close my eyes
Dream 9/6/09
In my dream I worked for a shop owned my Steven Spielberg.
I thought it was a pot dispensary, but now I'm not sure.
I know the place sold pot, and also sold costumes.
I was getting off of work soon in the dream.
So I change into a Princess Leia outfit.
Was it a Halloween outfit?
Was it just a geek thing?
I'm not sure.
It wasn't traditional(the costume).
It was a mini skirt, and top two piece thing.
I remember thinking I need to put my hair in buns to work it all out.
Anyway.
I had a boyfriend in the dream. He was visiting me for the first time at my job (whatever kind of job it was). I was changing into my costume in the back of the store in a bathroom. Someone directed him to me. At that moment the Cops raided the store. He (my dream boyfriend) got me out of the bathroom, and we ran out the backdoor to his car. A powder blue Chevy 1969 Impala.
The place, and the car was surrounded my cops. So we jump out,and ran. We ended up at his Mom's place. She was a single parent. He lived in a single apartment with her. I remember the make up of the apartment. The living room had a couch, a chair, and a T.V. She was in the kitchen which was separate, and there was a door to the left of the living room down a short hall way. I thought it was a closet, or the bathroom.
He introduced me to his Mom for the first time. She came out of the kitchen to greet me on the couch. I was still wearing the Princess Leia outfit. See seemed not to mind, and invited me into the kitchen. I remember being happy I was wearing the costume. Like it protected me from something,I don't know what.
She was making food. I don't remember what it was. The two of them seemed to get along pretty well. she asked about the car. He told her he had to leave it somewhere, and would pick it up later. She seem curious, but knew not to ask too many questions.
By the end of the dream I knew I couldn't go back to work that day, and couldn't go home. I knew I would stay there with him, and his Mom. And I was wishing that hallway lead to a bedroom. I wanted privacy, but knew potentially there would be none. I wanted to find out more but this is all.
Notes:
When we ran out to the car we both got in. The Cops began to surround us. Not focused on us, but the store. We both got out, and ran. He was the lead, I followed.
The boyfriend in the dream seem like an image of my boyfriend in real life. With some small changes.
The run to his house did not take more than 3-4 dream minutes.
I recognized some of the details from when I came into work that day. Meaning at the very beginning of my dream I walked a few blocks to work. I didn't recognize the blocks then, or know what the business entrance looked like though I walk through the entrance.
However when I ran out of the store from the back parking lot with my dream boyfriend I did recognize the streets from earlier. I found this sort of strange.
I stole the Princess Leia costume from work.
This is all I remember. The details are fading even as a write this.
I thought it was a pot dispensary, but now I'm not sure.
I know the place sold pot, and also sold costumes.
I was getting off of work soon in the dream.
So I change into a Princess Leia outfit.
Was it a Halloween outfit?
Was it just a geek thing?
I'm not sure.
It wasn't traditional(the costume).
It was a mini skirt, and top two piece thing.
I remember thinking I need to put my hair in buns to work it all out.
Anyway.
I had a boyfriend in the dream. He was visiting me for the first time at my job (whatever kind of job it was). I was changing into my costume in the back of the store in a bathroom. Someone directed him to me. At that moment the Cops raided the store. He (my dream boyfriend) got me out of the bathroom, and we ran out the backdoor to his car. A powder blue Chevy 1969 Impala.
The place, and the car was surrounded my cops. So we jump out,and ran. We ended up at his Mom's place. She was a single parent. He lived in a single apartment with her. I remember the make up of the apartment. The living room had a couch, a chair, and a T.V. She was in the kitchen which was separate, and there was a door to the left of the living room down a short hall way. I thought it was a closet, or the bathroom.
He introduced me to his Mom for the first time. She came out of the kitchen to greet me on the couch. I was still wearing the Princess Leia outfit. See seemed not to mind, and invited me into the kitchen. I remember being happy I was wearing the costume. Like it protected me from something,I don't know what.
She was making food. I don't remember what it was. The two of them seemed to get along pretty well. she asked about the car. He told her he had to leave it somewhere, and would pick it up later. She seem curious, but knew not to ask too many questions.
By the end of the dream I knew I couldn't go back to work that day, and couldn't go home. I knew I would stay there with him, and his Mom. And I was wishing that hallway lead to a bedroom. I wanted privacy, but knew potentially there would be none. I wanted to find out more but this is all.
Notes:
When we ran out to the car we both got in. The Cops began to surround us. Not focused on us, but the store. We both got out, and ran. He was the lead, I followed.
The boyfriend in the dream seem like an image of my boyfriend in real life. With some small changes.
The run to his house did not take more than 3-4 dream minutes.
I recognized some of the details from when I came into work that day. Meaning at the very beginning of my dream I walked a few blocks to work. I didn't recognize the blocks then, or know what the business entrance looked like though I walk through the entrance.
However when I ran out of the store from the back parking lot with my dream boyfriend I did recognize the streets from earlier. I found this sort of strange.
I stole the Princess Leia costume from work.
This is all I remember. The details are fading even as a write this.
This Will Never Change
The sound of these words in my mind rattled me awake in the earliest point of day/night.I had a dream. And in that I was once again reminded that it is all a dream. When I reentered this realm I couldn't tell it from the other. The disorientation left me such a sense of vagueness I had to write. Because where is a writer's mind? In the land of the dreaming.
Moments in this world overwhelmed me with emotions. Making me believe that they are in control. And for a second, a flash I lost hold of my title, of my thoughts as Queen Of My Own Tiny Part Of Universal Existence. It was just for a moment, and that moment was a life time in my own eyes. I sometimes think my mind as an artist, and my mind as a participant in the human drama gets all mixed up. I too often dream of things that will happen later own in the day. I have not decided to take my dreams as a warning, or as a gift. I also haven't figure out if I dream the future, or am I just picking up universal thought waves?
I can't really tell. What I do know is my life exist for poetry, and prose alone.
And this will never change.
Moments in this world overwhelmed me with emotions. Making me believe that they are in control. And for a second, a flash I lost hold of my title, of my thoughts as Queen Of My Own Tiny Part Of Universal Existence. It was just for a moment, and that moment was a life time in my own eyes. I sometimes think my mind as an artist, and my mind as a participant in the human drama gets all mixed up. I too often dream of things that will happen later own in the day. I have not decided to take my dreams as a warning, or as a gift. I also haven't figure out if I dream the future, or am I just picking up universal thought waves?
I can't really tell. What I do know is my life exist for poetry, and prose alone.
And this will never change.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
This happened as I died
The filth of the city drives us all mad with craving, with hunger, with lonely silence bleeding through our ears.
A couple catches my eye on the subway. He must have been handsome at one time. She must have been beautiful. But they have destroyed one another. Clinging to lost hope, want, and jealously. They now die in each others arms. Never being what could have been.
The city destroys you like love. Like procreation, or political banter. The metropolis is a lie we all know of, but still choose to believe in. We will all crush one another someday, and feed off the flesh of the the lost dreams. I see it in the eyes of the infants. Living as orphans though they still cling to their teenage mother's breast.
The metropolis stings my eyes like the sun if you stare directly into it. Why have I given it so many years? Why don't I go off to some tropical escape? The only true answer is; I thrive on the emptiness, and bitter hatred the city has to offer. If I did make my great escape. It wouldn't be for tropical isles, with girls in skinny bikinis. It would be for more of this. Gas masked citizens, and barely beating hatred hearts of men, teenagers plugged so deeply into the machine they can't remember what planet they're on.
I am the dream of my former self. I've come to introduce you to the filth left behind by the loveliest butterfly you have ever seen. But I already know you wouldn't recognized a butterfly if it's metal wing brushed up against your retina cutting the first layer of it completely off.
I am Josalisa and my life is ending every second of every day.
A couple catches my eye on the subway. He must have been handsome at one time. She must have been beautiful. But they have destroyed one another. Clinging to lost hope, want, and jealously. They now die in each others arms. Never being what could have been.
The city destroys you like love. Like procreation, or political banter. The metropolis is a lie we all know of, but still choose to believe in. We will all crush one another someday, and feed off the flesh of the the lost dreams. I see it in the eyes of the infants. Living as orphans though they still cling to their teenage mother's breast.
The metropolis stings my eyes like the sun if you stare directly into it. Why have I given it so many years? Why don't I go off to some tropical escape? The only true answer is; I thrive on the emptiness, and bitter hatred the city has to offer. If I did make my great escape. It wouldn't be for tropical isles, with girls in skinny bikinis. It would be for more of this. Gas masked citizens, and barely beating hatred hearts of men, teenagers plugged so deeply into the machine they can't remember what planet they're on.
I am the dream of my former self. I've come to introduce you to the filth left behind by the loveliest butterfly you have ever seen. But I already know you wouldn't recognized a butterfly if it's metal wing brushed up against your retina cutting the first layer of it completely off.
I am Josalisa and my life is ending every second of every day.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Is This Forced? Or May The Force Be With Me.
People say you have to practice your craft every day. You know as disciple. I try but I don't like things to feel forced. If writing isn't just a natural inspiration then it's just boring. I think having to do the same thing every day is boring anyway. So there's the conflict of interest. I don't know. I sometimes like to think of myself as a post-punk poet. Nay I just made that up, I don't create titles for myself like that. For me it's all just random mathematics. So what's that like? A giant jigsaw puzzle with the different pieces all falling constantly at random.
So what's the point here? I forgot. The New Kids On The Block are on Jimmy Kimmel right now. I don't have anymore time for this. The moral of the story is. I want white waves to flow over my body, as the sunshine kisses my lips.
For now I have the sweet light of the moon. And it is brilliant.
So what's the point here? I forgot. The New Kids On The Block are on Jimmy Kimmel right now. I don't have anymore time for this. The moral of the story is. I want white waves to flow over my body, as the sunshine kisses my lips.
For now I have the sweet light of the moon. And it is brilliant.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Insomnia
So I have been awake all night. It is now 5Am, and your girl is still conscience. I watched way too much television tonight. And now I am hoping music can put me to sleep. I have to say I am enjoying being up all night. Getting kind of tired now, so I'm going to try to enter Morpheus' gate. Dear friend please be welcoming. I have a high sensory situation going on right now, I have a feeling tomorrow will be a nice adventurous day. Or I could just sleep all day. Whatever. Good night. For me at least.
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