I'm just going to write this all down, the thing that is in my head. However this feeling I never speak of. So this shall be a dance around my actual intent. Deep down inside of me lies a dormant dragon. I'm over all all my own attractions, that is the things I find interesting and the people who gather in the interest. I have it in my heart that I look at things from a distance, yet I know I listen and I'm honest. So that just puts me right up in everything. I've seen it all, or have been told. It's the same old situation all of the time. The game of life. Chess played as checkers. You can see all the wrong moves being made before anyone ever moves their pawn, or rook, or checker piece. Am I bored or just numb? I have to ask myself the same question I have been asking since I was four years old...why can I not just participate and enjoy it like everyone else pretends to? This can get very depressing so let me remind myself for myself that Artemis is out of town and things get a little emotional when that happens.
All of this really comes from a dreams. I see the future. Stupid things that can never change a bit but somehow are still revealed to me. So I can see them unfold right before my eyes. This is my heavenly curse to be played out right here on Earth. This dream was more of a pinned up emotion however. I saw my emotions worked out and reveal to myself a secret anxiety. I did not care in the dream, as I would not in life but still it was played out. This is more of my useless vagueness I promised in my opening line. It's like I know I am loved and have love, but who the fuck really cares anyway?
Okay so during this call to my depression my Guru sent me a message that changed everything. The message put everything into prospective and I have recalled my actual purpose on this rock. So um forget about sad dreams of feeling distant from people I should stay far away from. Okay so here is a poem:
To Remind Them...or Me
I soar that is why I feel the separation
the imagined change
in my heart beats a lion...caged
a girl a woman an eagle free
why do I feel locked inside me
I paint the canvas with faith
an artist true
we are all the same me and you
I cry for my lover
as my lover sleeps
things are missing
no they are still right here
I miss you but you never leave me
like a teacher here to teach me
I cry over things I do not want
I cry for not wanting them
they seem so popular and happy
inside my heart lies an atlas
I want to go everywhere and I will
I cry for being here because I dream of there
at this moment
at this moment
there is only this
a dark line
a wild dark mistress
what will be my fate
searching for things long ago reveled
trying to heal wombs that have long ago healed
I am a bird in flight
waiting for it all to be revealed
we are ever lasting miracles
that is why I sit still
I am Josalisa and this my chums is a RiOt.
No comments:
Post a Comment