This is the thing that wakes me. From the oh so sweet slumber of a warm bed. This is that which bothers me and will not let me sleep. That and I had to pee just now. The think positive crowd have to be the most annoying set of creatures to walk the Earth. Yes Dear Readers, this is one of those rants where everything is brought into question. Really what is is to think positive? I keep feeling like this is really an uniquely American idea. Looking on the bright side of life and ignoring all that sits right in front of you. Sometimes I feel like we are all one step away from suicide but we smile and try to get over it. Now me I fail at dying, so I get up everyday and do the living. It works out just fine. But much like the Instagram photo is a bastardization of actual photography, the think possessive movement is destroying actual living conversation. No one ever wants to face anything. Or that is wrong, facing things or not is no choice. But real discussion has been abandoned for the it gets better crowd. Isn't this why people drown themselves in drugs and alcohol or pack themselves into night clubs full of strangers who can't see or feel from all the makeup and Molly that has been popped? I really need a Russian right now. In Russia there is a saying, I'm not going to tell it to you in Russian. However here it is in English. "Life is hard right now, but what are you going to do?" There is the truth of it all. We all want it all to look a certain way. Like the Los Angeles pretenders who glamorize this shit hole that I desperately want to leave. But look at that. Even that is bullshit. Who wants to leave a place but stays? You know what happens when one stays in a place they should have left a long time ago? When the very first of my personal artistic caravans headed East in hopes of...well anything really. What happens to the fearful who stay? It's fucking decay. I feel and smell decay. I believe it makes me a better writer, but it is not doing a damn thing for my artwork.
Have you ever been attacked by nothing and then you finally realize it is yourself? I can not be among so many and feel so separate. Mainly because we are all being so positive. But get a drink in you and the tears flow. I put all my pain on paper or pound it into a keyboard. So by the time the light of day actually shows up I do feel a ting of positivity. But Dear Reader, I thirst for something bigger than all of this. I hunger to smell new smells and to run free. I never really feel free. Like I have felt a bit of freedom alone on the mic somewhere, but not real freedom the way I dream. I am in the business of turning what I see on the inside to that which is tangible. I live in the same city of many of the great writers. I feel the burden of their past upon me even now. That is what keeps me going. They are alive in little rooms typing away at great works, or sitting somewhere reminiscing about how it was all going to be so beautiful. I'm not really into too many positive writers. So what the hell are so many of them doing on the Best Sellers List? Who the fuck put them there? The think positive crowd that is who. You blind bitter bastards, the lot.
It's not even really the Best Sellers List that bothers me. But yes it is. You see there are virtually no real bookstores left so we have no Men and Women on the from lines of literature. Telling people what to buy are at the very least pointing them in the right direction. So pretty much everyone is left to there own devices which leaves us as a culture utterly fucked. So you have Adults reading novels from the Young Adults section, people reading way too many self help or pseudo spiritual books, and then there are the Graphic Novels. I love Graphic Novels. Like I can't even begin to not love graphic novels but still, read a book every once and while people. The poor pathetic Graphic Novels. You know the thing most movies are made of these days. I won't get started on the state of American Cinema in this post because well. American Cinema at one point was created in the bookstore, or other gathering places of intellect. Which seem obsolete now, so we have a entire nation packing into cinemas to see cartoons or things based on Graphic Novels. Or books that are not very good but no one is around to stop any of it from happening. What ever happened to the bitter screen writers? They were replaced with lazy fucks who hope to become rich and famous and who will read any crap and turn it into a film. Re-invited Biographies are the norm here and I won't even get started.
So what is a writer to do? Sit among her peers and absorbed the beauty that is the craft. Look bitterly out into the city by the sea and wonder is it the pot or the juice that makes everyone step over the bums and smile? You see they are looking on the bright side of the homeless epidemic. Or is it really a shared delusion? One that can not be ended because we are in a spiritual time and intellectualism is not the norm. Truth has become really subjective. Most people live in relationships that are lies. I live in one full of truth. A truth that even I don't always say. Togetherness is the norm and separation is a illusion. All we really have on this rock are each other and the animals. So be kind. That does not mean be positive. Positivity leads to fascism really. Mainly because you have to only look at the good things. Ignore the sick and the old or the poor (especially if you are one of them) and the dying and just smile and take another hit, or drink, or pill or change the fucking channel for God's sake. Don't even get me started on God. But I am trying. I believe things can be better and also accepted. How bad is it really? What if you asked a stranger how her day was and she just looked at you and broke down? Just told you every truth without holding back? What if you just stood in the middle of it all and gave her a minute to let the real tears flow? Standing there among it all hugging a strangers in real tears. Well it happens to me all of the time. Maybe I just have one of those I can take your heart faces. Maybe I am always on the verge of jumping off of something high and the whole world knows it. But the real truth is I don't want to die. I want to fly. Now ain't that a conundrum.
This is Josalisa and you have just experienced a RiOt.
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