Women who refuse I never was one of you
when you were a child you refused to be a child
you were a slut or a girl to be used
You refuse to be a woman who loves a man
Or a woman who loves another
It's so below you to interact
Your God may fight back
a saint who refuses to sin but in private I know you dream you are me
self righteous and free
I know I'm a bitch and told I am mean
I'm a punk rock beauty queen on an indie movie screen
I know you've seen me
as I have seen you
painting white things blue and pretending you were too brave to join a group
I'm surrounded by boys
only girl in a male writer's crew
isolated from the women who refuse
You refuse to sing a song that is not about love
refuse to paint a picture that is not about love
you refuse to talk about us
and the secrets that we kept secret for no reason
I show my heart because it's hell and this is the season
of the witches like me
I'm no sucker for dominate cultures of so called spirituality
I know it's old Kinderhook to be me
I'm fine with this I don't refuse or hold back
No one wants my soul to burn in hell
for a kiss or a life like this
I'm taking the risk to really interact
in all honestly
I would never go out seven days a week
but on the rare monthly outing you get the real me
I would never turn my back on anyone for being true
I see through you
you are just like me but you want to forget
who showed you everything
the girl who will not refuse
a tender kiss
the one you all have dismissed because she still dresses like this
I'm everyone's mistrest and gone in a seconed if found out
I am a dirty little secret just waiting to come out
but I was never in to being with
I never refused not even in school
I let them see me
Oh well I once knew you well
Until you began to live in no
and I had to go
because I exposed myself to the so called spiritual
I'll still read old book and study the dark arts
which are not so fucking dark anyway
I dream all the people who do not love me are in love
with the dark and with the things they refuse
just because you say no to your heart does not mean you go to heaven
just because someone beat the free out of you
that is no reason to get Angel wings
We are not lost souls trying to get back home
lying to ourselves and the world because we are scared of a word
real bravery is rewarded
and even though I never refuse a thing
I live my life with open wings
I say it's love if it is
I don't have to hide behind this or that
for hope of a place in an imaginary place
I face myself in the dark through tears
I face my heart and I have even and in this
that does not mean I am through
I still have a thing or two to say to the likes of you
the so called good girls
the women who refuse to tell the truth
Your God is dead and we killed him
all of us sinners and dykes
we took his head in the middle of the night
and boiled it in a microwave
so now it's okay when you see a fuck like me
to at least fucking wave
This is a poem for you.
Signed tried and true.
- Helena Aury
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